Picking Up The Pieces
by reemarie36
Summary: Clary moved to San Diego after she graduated high school. She's living her life hiding away from her friends and past life. She only has her family to turn to for the past five years. But when tragedy strikes, she finds herself facing the past she thought she got away from.
1. Chapter 1

**OKAY…..Soooo this will be my first fanfic about TMI…..I really enjoy the characters in other stories I have read…and trust me I have read quite a few! And I can't get enough of them.. I finally took the initiative and wrote my own…I apologize now if it doesn't meet any one's standards or if you think its dumb…But I enjoy reading and writing, and I really hope that some of you enjoy my story here….Ready or not here I go!**

**ALL RIGHTS FOR THE CHARACTERS GO TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR! I ONLY OWN THE STORYLINE**

_UGH! Why can I not get the shading right?! _ I think as I sit with my sketch book and attempt to draw again. I just can't ever seem to get my shading right….I guess that happens when you don't bother to keep up with your artist skills. What can I say, life's been busy. I have to say the last 5 ½ years have been the most difficult, but happiest moments of my life. I didn't plan to stay in New York after I graduated, actually after reviewing all of my acceptance letters the only one appealing to me was San Diego State University. It was pretty expensive, but with the help of my dad, my mom and her husband Luke, not to mention a hefty trust fund that was set up by an unknown source, I was able to purchase a house on the beach and pay my tuition. I didn't own an extravagant one, but more like a 2 story cottage a mile away from the nearest neighbor. It was the most amazing home away from home I could have imagined to live in. I thought surely with a view like this that I could take my artist skills to a whole other level. But then reality hit and I maybe picked up my sketching materials once every 2-3 months. I had finally gotten my RN license last semester and let's just say that took up part of my life. The other, the majority of my life and time was occupied by the 2 most adorable angels I could have ever imagined to have. Yep, that's right-I'm a mom, a single mom at that! Well technically I have Tessa who is our live in nanny, and my dearest friend.

We met during summer school; I had signed up for summer classes when I first moved to keep myself as busy as I possibly could. At the end of our first round of classes she was planning on quitting and moving home. She said her heart wasn't fully into Nursing as she thought. She had been my only friend and roommate since we met at a quiet little coffee shop my first day in SD. She ran straight into me and we toppled over onto the floor. We looked at each other covered in coffee and immediately burst into laughter; from that moment we had became more like sisters. She was from London and needed a place to stay, so of course I opened my door to her!

So when she cam to the conclusion that nursing wasn't cut out for her, she was going to leave and move back hom. The day I helped her pack was the day I found out I was pregnant. She vowed to stay by my side and help me through it. Soon after the twins were born she asked if I was interested in a live in nanny since school was going to be so demanding. When I asked if she had any suggestions she handed me her resume. She started online classes and soon got her bachelor's in Child car and development. Within my first year here I had the hardest yet most wonderful times…..

I sat there staring at the blank page I had turned to and the next thing I knew the sun was setting and the front door was slammed shut.

"MOMMY!" Jackson shouted through the house until he found me on the deck. "There you are! Belle! I found her!" With beaming eyes my son ran into my arms and Belle was right behind following his lead.

"Sorry we're late..Jax's soccer practice ran late. I brought home dinner though," Tessa said in a rush of words.

"It's fine, I just got home about 30 minutes ago," I replied. I turned to my beautiful children and told them to wash up. They unarguably obeyed and race to the guest bathroom.

"So how was work?" Tessa asked sounding out of breath.

"Well it was pretty eventful. Broken legs, broken noses, people in constant pain, some refusing treatment, some faking sickness for their fix, you know all that fun stuff! Just another day in the office!" I said cheerily….

"I don't know how you did it, I couldn't handle having to deal with all of that… I prefer my job over yours any day!" She smiles as we set the table.

We have our usual family dinner talk and discuss school for the twins and what they're learning. After cleaning up from dinner we sat in the family room with the game of LIFE. I bet you can't guess who's in last place? These board games are meant for kids to win, I believe it has something to do with their open imaginations. As Tess and I are complaining about all the FINES we've pad I noticed Jax whispering something to Belle.

"Hey, secrets don't make friends you two," I say playfully, but they both look at me and duck their heads. " I was only kidding guys, I'm sorry."

"Mom, can we ask you a question?" Belle said in her melodic voice. I nod and she gets up to walk over and stand right in front of me. "Is aunt Tessa our second mom?" We both gasped loudly and Jax quickly added, "It's okay if she is….. Lots of kids at school have two moms…."

"Or two dads," Belle added.

"Sweety, no. Aunt Tessa is like my sister. I even pay her to help me with you two."

"Even though I've told mommy that I'd do it for free," Tess said looking at me sternly.

"What would give you that idea?" I asked them.

"Well Abram saw us all at the school play and we are all always together so he asked if you were our moms," Jax said hopeful.

"We are a family, but we aren't a family in that way," I replied softly.

"Yeah, someday I'm going to get married and have kids of my own," Tessa added, then quickly put her hand to her mouth.

"Then why aren't you married momma? " Asked my ever so curious daughter. Tessa mouthed an _I'M SORRY_ but I waved it off and turned back to Belle.

"Not all mommy and daddy's stick together. Sometime's only one of them cares for the children."

"Will we ever meet him, our dad?" Jax asks.

"I'm sorry honey, but no. He was gone before I knew an angel put you both in my tummy." How else was I supposed to explain this to a 5 year old? I always feel awkward when the kids ask me about this stuff.

"How about we tuck you guys in?" Tess suggests. They both stifled a yawn, but reluctantly agreed and we headed upstairs.

After putting the kids to bed we went back downstairs to clean up.

"Clary, I am so sorry… I didn't mean to open that discu-"

"Don't worry Tess. They're getting older-they're going to bombard me with even more questions later in life. It's best to start building the foundation to the story now while they're young.

"Do you really think this is the best?"

"What?"

"Hiding them from him like this… You may have had your reasons then, but it's been over 5 years. He deserves to know, as do they."

"Tess, it will never happen," I reply stubbornly. Befor she can argue I grab her by the wrist and drag her (not literally) out to the deck so the waves cover our voices. "Look, my dad, my mom and Luke, and my brother know how important this is to me. You know I had no idea that I was pregnant when we first met. If I came out and told him when I found out I would have ruined his life."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes I do. Please Tess, don't question my decisions now…. I don't need this, especially from you!"

She stood there staring at me for what felt like forever, until she finally agreed. She retreated to her room without speaking to me again. I sat on a lounge chair and pulled my sweater tighter around me thinking and thinking until I fell asleep. Unfortunately all my dreams consist of past memories, since the day I moved here.

_I was standing in the gymnasium where all of the freshman gathered on their first day of school._

_"__Who's your buddy?" I ask Isabelle. We are assigned a buddy to stick to for the first quarter of the school year, we'd even have all the same classes, but much to my dismay Issy wasn't mine._

_"__I got Simon Lewis," she answered blushing. The girl has had a thing for him since the 3__rd__grade."What about you? Who did you get?"_

_"__Someone I don't recognize. Must be a new student, his name's-"_

_"__Excuse me?" A voice interrupted. "Are you Clarissa Fairchild?"_

_I turn around to a very tall, very handsome boy with the deepest blue eyes and dark hair._

_"__Uh-yeah," I reply bewildered._

_"__I believe you're my buddy," he says grinning ear to ear. "The name's Sebastian Verlac," he says holding his hand out for me to shake. I place my petite hand in his smiling back._

_"__It's nice to meet you," I say cheerfully._

**Okay please be nice in your reviews...Eh, who am i kidding...Please just be honest! happy reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter2**

**BEEP BEEP…**(Dream fades away)

I wake up to my phone ringing and notice it's dusk, the rising slowly behind the house. Ah crap, I fell asleep outside again…

"Hello?"

"Hey Clary!" Says my brother Jonathon on the other end. "Did I wake you?"

"No, well yeah, but it's fine. How are you?"

"I'm great, I'm sorry! I know it's early in California, but I wanted to give you the great news personally!"

"Oh yeah, what's that?" _Please say you're coming home!_ My brother joined the airforce immediately after high school and comes to visit once maybe 2x a year when he's off duty, if I'm lucky.

"I'm coming home!"

"Oh my gosh! That's great! When?"

"We fly out of here today! In about six hours… I'm taking the first flight to California! I have some great news to share with you guys! Gosh I can't wait to see Belle and Jax! I've missed you all so much!"

"We miss you too! Video chats aren't enough!"

"You're telling me! Hey listen, are you still against telling their dad about them?" JEEEEEZ, not you too! I thought. "Because I really think you should finally come out of your hiding and put all your cards on the table. I believe he'll be happy to know….." He says this as if he has any idea what it would be like.

"Jon-I don't think-"

"Hey listen, we'll talk more when I get there! I'll be in the states by early tomorrow morning! Probably 3 am your time!"

"Will you call me when you land?"

"Of course! You're going to be the one to pick me up at LAX! I can't wait until I see the look on your face when you see my surprise! I love you sis!"

"I love you too!"

The line disconnected after that and I felt a sudden rush of joy. My brother, my only sibling is coming home again! I remember when sophomore year was almost over and we were nearing Jonathon's graduation and he told me about how he signed up for the Air Force. He announced it at his grad party and everyone but our mother was happy for him. She was terrified and I didn't understand why then. But I realized why halfway through my Junior year. We got a call that he'd been in the line of fire and was being sent home due to the severity. When I finally got to see him he had bandages from head to toe. I was mortified, I cried and cried; he had come so close to being taken away from us. He recovered fairly quickly and was deployed again. But since that day, I cherished our talks, our letters, our video chats and every visit more than I ever thought possible.

He more than supported me when he found out I was moving to the other end of the country alone and away from our family and friends. And when I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant he didn't question or scold me, or even disagree when I said I wanted no one at all to know but him and our parents; there was only comfort and support from my big brother.

_After my finals were over I was roughly 28-30 weeks along. I was so tiny that I was able to hide my pregnancy the entire semester. A week or so after finals, I found I was spotting. Unbeknownst to me Jonathon was going home for a couple weeks. So when I called my mom and Luke, then my dad, they took the next flight out, but I had no idea Jonathon was with them. It was New Year's eve when I had went into labor and they hadn't arrived yet. Tessa rushed me to the hospital and I almost gave birth in the car. When they were born I was able to see that they were tiny, only slightly bigger than the nurse's hand. I had so much blood loss that I eventually blacked out. When I woke up Jonathon was there covered head to toe in a hospital cap, gown and mask reading to my two angels who were in an incubator and hooked to ventilators. As soon as he seen me he came over and wrapped me in his arms as I cried until I passed out again. The next time I came to I heard shushed voices outside my room._

_"__I'm calling him, this isn't fair that she has to go through this alone," my mother said._

_"__No."_

_"__Don't"_

_"__Stop."_

_Luke, Jon and my dad said all at once._

_"__That boy doesn't just deserve to know, he needs to know! Especially if neither of them sur-"_

_"__Don't you dare say that!" Jon shouted. "They're improving everyday from what the doctor's say!" I can hear the tears in his voice. "I know they're going to pull through this. IF CLARY DOESN'T WANT HIM KNOWING, I'M OKAY WITH THAT… That asshole doesn't have any rights as far as I'm concerned," that last part he said eerily calm._

_"__Our son's right Jocelyn. Clary's made her decision and we made a promise to her. I'm sure even Luke can side with me on this," my dad added._

With my thoughts on that fearful day I didn't hear Tessa opening the back door.

"Clary? Did you sleep out here again?"

"I dozed off," I said sheepishly. "But hey, guess what? Jonathan's coming to visit!" She rushed over to hug me noting my happiness.

"That's excellent! Shall I prep the guest room?"

"I can do it. Jeez Tess, you aren't the maid," I said playfully. We giggled and headed inside. It was almost time for my shift at the hospital, I can't wait to back to the night shift!

While at work I couldn't stop thinking of Jon's upcoming visit, but also of our conversation that will follow. I don't want to argue with him, especially when I don't even get to see him but once MAYBE twice a year…My 12 hour shift ends in less than half an hour and I can't help but think that he should be on his way home right at this moment.

"Nurse Fairchild?" I turn my attention from my charts to my chief of staff.

"Yes Dr. Beaufort?"

"I hate to ask this of you, but would you be willing to work this evening? At least until I can get a hold of an On-Call?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to go home and then to Los Angeles to pick up a family member from the airport sometime in the morning.."

"It will only be a few more hours….I'll be here as well, so if you have to leave I can cover for you. The head nurse for the night shift has called in and as of this moment you're the only head nurse available." He pleaded his case, but was pretty much telling me I didn't have a choice.

"Okay, but only a few hours. When I get the call I'm out of here."

"You're a gem! That is why you're the youngest head nurse we've ever had! Always willing to work hard!"

"Thank you Dr. Beaufort."

"No, thank you!"

I called home to let Tess and the kids know I was pretty much pulling a double shift and to not wait up for me. I couldn't wait to be off for the next few days…..

During my shift I checked my phone numerous times to see if Jon's called, even though he said by 3am my time, but there was nothing. I figured when he called to tell me he was booking a flight from NYC to here i'd clock out and head to the LAX to pick him up. When I was finally relieved by an on-call nurse I figured going home would be a waste, so maybe I'd just take a nap in the nurses lounge. Sleep engulfed me before my head hit the pillow.

_Senior prom was here before we knew it and Issy and I were both giddy with excitement. We had both planned to possibly lose our virginity tonight, although I wasn't near as excited as she was. Since that first day of freshman year Sebastian and I had become an item. Sure we were together for a while now and we may have even said _ I love you,_ but it wasn't a perfect relationship by far. Rumors always rose about him flirting with other girls, some rumors even claimed he'd been sleeping with a few cheerleaders on the varsity squad during our Junior year. Those cause a few bumps in the road for us, but I decided not to believe everything I heard. If I didn't see it in front of my face than it wasn't worth stressing over, but of course the thought of them being true at all bothered me deep down. The only problem with tonight was that I didn't feel right for what we had planned._

_Throughout the beginning of the night he kept grabbing and groping me when he thought no one would notice. I wasn't liking it, not even a little bit. He was ready for tonight to happen, but I knew I really wasn't. When the time came to announce prom King and Queen I saw one of my brother's best friends, Issy's cousin Jace (Senior crowned King last year)and his 'on&off' again ex girlfriend kaelie (last year's queen) up on stage. I can tell by watching them that they were 'off' at this moment. Poor guy, he's always been really nice to me and very polite; how he ended up with her, I have no clue._

_Unsurprisingly, Sebastian was crowned our class of 2008 prom King. He was pretty popular, what with being captain of the football, basketball and baseball teams. I was however surprised when I heard my name called on as prom Queen. I wasn't popular like he was; the only reason anyone knew me was because of him. It was during our King and Queen dance that I saw a noticeable glint of malice in his usual kind blue eyes. I had told him during our dance that I didn't think I was ready. He gripped my waist tighter in hand and squeezed my small hand in the other so tight I felt my bones creak. He smiled sweetly at me, but through gritted teeth said we'd talk about it later._

_Once the dance was over he roughly dragged me off the dance floor and out to the parking lot. He lead me to the part of the parking lot that housed the school buses, near the library's wing. He gripped the back of my neck so hard I could feel my necklace embedding itself into my skin._

_"__I thought we discussed this," he growled._

_"__I thought you would understand."_

_"__UNDERSTAND? Really! You've been teasing me since freshman year, toying with me; stringing me along!"_

_"__Sebastian, plea-"_

_"__Shut up! It's no wonder I found myself screwing those other broads! I knew you'd be a waste of my time!" he screamed at me. _

_When I began to cry he crushed his lips to mine rougher than I ever thought possible. I tried to shove him back, but he shoved me into a wall. My fingernails raked his face and he pulled away. I thought he was going to stop, but then I felt his hand that wasn't gripping my neck slap across my face. I fell to the ground, but before I could scurry away he turned me over and put the full weight of his body over mine. His hand reached under my dress and gripped my hip so hard I was sure it would bruise. His other hand wrapped around my throat and I couldn't scream, I couldn't even move with him on top of me like this. Everything moved to fast after that for me to comprehend…._

**BEEP BEEP….**

Saved from my horrible memory by the annoying beep of my phone; I put it to my face trying to decipher the phone number. I could still feel the fear and adrenaline coursing through my body as I thought about that last high school dance. After noting that it was near 4 am I finally bring the phone to my ear. _At least I got in a couple hours,_ I thought as I answer the New York area coded phone number expecting Jonathon.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Clary, it's Luke."

"Hey Luke, how's it going?" this is rare, he never calls me unless it's a holiday or birthday.

"It's Jonathon, he's being sent home."

"Oh yeah, I know. He's supposed to fly out here immediately, so he said," I say giggling making my way out of the nurse's lounge.

"No Clary, he's not-"

"Is his flight not til later? It's fine if it is. I'm off the next four days so at least the kids can go with me to get him. I wish you and mom would come too!"

"Clary, listen-"

"One sec Luke- Chief Beaufort, all of your charts and lab results are with Head Nurse Bethany."

"Thank you Nurse Fairchild. Enjoy your days off."

"Thanks, you too. Sorry Luke, so-"

"Clary-Jon's not, he won't be," he was having a hard time getting out what he wanted to say. I suddenly felt my blood run ice cold and stopped dead in my tracks. Listening carefully I heard heavy sobbing in the background.

"Give me the damn phone, Lucian," my dad said tiredly. "Clary? Clare-bear you there?"

"Daddy?" I could only whisper.

"Clarissa, I am so sorry to have to tell you," he paused sniffling. "But Jonathon…. He…. He died yesterday afternoon. They were attacked as they were readying for departure from what we've been told."

"No," I whispered. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move; my mind began to swirl with memories of my big brother. Not him, not Jon, not my tough indestructible big brother.

"His body's being transported back after an autopsy, so he should be here in a day or two. Can you fly out here by then?"

"No! J-Jon-Jonathan! Not him! Oh my God, why him?!" I was crying into the receiver as I fell to my knees, not caring that my co-workers and boss were all around me.

**keep it real and review! night!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay first off I would like to thank SOUNDLESSANGEL, LINDSAYHONAKER, AND FIREQUEEN8569 for reviewing my first two chapters during the first 24 hrs of their posting! You guys are awesome! Oh and before I forget, I am so sorry for any errors that there were! I was being rushed and wanted them posted before I had to leave…. I promise to use spell check this time around! Xo happy reading!**

Chapter 3

As I cried hysterically Chief Beaufort took my phone from my loose grip. Apparently my dad told him what happened because he wrapped his arms around my shoulders apologizing for my loss.

I drove home in a daze praying to wake up from this nightmare. Out of all the vivid dreams I have, why couldn't this be one?

After getting home and explaining what I could to Tess through my tears, she had us packed and on the move in minutes; okay, within the hour. Our cab was waiting for us when she got back from picking the kids up from school; she informed the office that they would be out until further notice due to a family crisis. She told the kids we were going to New York, but not why. They didn't question it though, they knew their grandma, grandpa and papa Luke were there and that was all that mattered to them for now. I wished I could share their excitement, but all I could offer up was a small smile here and there. As we boarded the plane and took our seats in 1st class I laid back to relax and within seconds I dozed off again.

_With Sebastian's hand still over my throat I began to lose consciousness when suddenly he was ripped off of me. I turned my head toward the commotion of a small fight, but it was short lived. By the time it was over I seen Sebastian sprawled out on the floor unconscious. I don't know how, but I ended up crouched against the wall with my knees against my chest. The figure standing over Sebastian turned to me, approaching me like I was a caged lion._

_"__Are you okay?" he said softly, reaching out to me._

_"__DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed trying to push myself further into the wall._

_"__Shh… it's okay Clary," he said soothingly. I finally faced my savior._

_"__J-Jace?"_

_He wrapped me in his jacket and lifted me bridal style, while soothing me with shushing sounds. I kept my eyes closed as he carried me and opened them when I heard a car door close. He started to give my address to the driver, but then I frantically begged him not to._

_"__Where do you want to go Clary?" he asked concerned._

_"__Anywhere but home. I can't go home like this."_

_I began to break down and he pulls me into a bear hug while rubbing my back. I didn't hear what he told the driver, but the drive was pretty long; or so it seemed. I felt him lift me out of the car still carrying me._

_"__I can walk," I mumbled._

_"__Not if you want to draw attention to yourself. Your dress is tattered and your face is a little banged up._

_"__Oh." _

_We get into an elevator and that ride seemed even longer than the car ride and I eventually passed out._

_"__No, PLEASE!" I screamed._

_"__Clary, it's okay, you're safe. I'm right here," Jace said concerned. _

_I opened my eyes and realize I'm lying on a couch._

_"__Wh-where am I?"_

_"__My apartment."_

_"__How long was I out?"_

_"__Only a few minutes. Here I made you some coffee."_

_I grab the mug trying to absorb as much of its warmth as possible._

_"__I'll be right back," he says as he slips out of the living room. I slowly nod as I take in the room and realize it's not just an apartment, but more of a penthouse. Not very decorated, unless you count the pool table in the center of a very open room, but besides that there's only the furniture taking up space. Next to the room with the pool table was a stainless steel kitchen and an area with a dining table, but again just the table and chairs, no table cloth or centerpiece. The only item decorating the kitchen was the coffee pot now that I look back towards it. The only decorative thing in the room I'm in is an end table lamp, which begs the question of why is it so damn bright in here; that lamp isn't really that bright. I finally turned around and see the ceiling to floor windows allowing the New York City lights to illuminate the place. The view was beautiful._

_"__Clary, you should get cleaned up," I jumped at the sound of his voice. "Sorry."_

_"__It's fine. Um-Yeah, okay. May I use your restroom?"_

_"__Of course; I've already drawn you a bath. It's down the hall, last door on your right, through the bedroom. There's also a change of clothes there for you."_

_"__Thank you Jace," I said as I made my way towards the hallway, but then turned around to add, "For everything tonight."_

_I soaked in the bath for what felt like forever crying to myself. My crying fit increased as I began to scrub at my body. I felt so filthy, over 3 ½ years worth of filth. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Sebastian was going to rape me. Had I really been a game to him this whole time? Just some challenge he was trying to conquer? _

_When I got out I couldn't believe the bruises all over me. My cheek was welted; my neck was cut from my necklace and bruised from Sebastian's grip as well as my hand, thighs and hips. My knees were pretty scraped up too. I got dressed in what I realized was Jace's T-shirt and sweats. I left the sweats that were way too long and stuck with just the shirt that ended right at my knees. When I went back to the living room I saw a made up bed on the couch. Assuming it was for me I began to settle in when Jace stepped out of a guest bathroom._

_"__Oh no you don't," my body stiffened at his words and I began to shake uncontrollably. "That's my bed. You get the room." __**PHEW.**_

_"__Jace, I don't want to put you out-"_

_"__Don't be silly, I hardly use the bed. Now go get some sleep. I'll call Isabelle in the morning to pick you up." I guess I should consider myself lucky that they're step-siblings/cousins._

_"__Okay," I replied quietly and headed back to his room._

_As I lay down, I checked the clock and it was only 10:24pm. This was a short and eventful night, I thought. I'm glad they do the crowning at the beginning of the dance. _

_I dozed off in mere seconds, but I couldn't help waking up screaming again; before I knew it Jace was there holding me again._

_"__Hey, you're safe," he says quietly. I hold on tight to him, afraid to let go. I soon realize he's shirtless, and pulled away; although, it felt really nice, and I did actually feel safe._

_"__I-I'm so sorry," I stammer hugging my knees to my chest._

_"__What happened tonight Clary?" I shook my head at his question and began to cry again. "I knew something was wrong when you left after your dance with him. If only I'd gotten there in time-he wouldn't have rape-"_

_"__No! I wasn't ra-that! He tried, but then you were there," I inhaled and exhaled slowly trying to calm myself. "Why were you there?" He stayed focused on the comforter as if it were the most interesting thing in the world before he answered._

_"__I promised you." By the look of confusion he must have seen on my face, he clarified. "Before you and Issy started high school do you remember asking me how it felt on my first day?" I thought back to that day and slowly nodded to him. "I told you it was much more intimidating than middle school, and then of course you look terrified-"_

_"__I did not!" I did, I remember feeling terrified, but I thought at the time I hid my emotions from him. _

_"__Yeah, you did. But I promised you that I'd protect you-" his voice suddenly trailed off and when I turned to look at him he was staring straight at me. I'm not sure what pushed me to do what I did next, but I reached out and placed my hand on his cheek waiting for his reaction. To my surprise he leaned into my touch as if he's been waiting on it for forever, and I suddenly knew that I had also been waiting. He slowly scooted along the edge of the bed towards me and gently caressed my cheek and suddenly but softly placed a kiss on my forehead._

_"__Goodnight Clary," he whispered against my skin._

_"__Jace, please don't go. I don't want to be alone." After minutes of consideration he agreed to stay._

_When I woke up in the morning he was gone so I made my way out to the living room. I peeked around the corner and could see Jace was on the phone and he sounded irritated._

_"__Because we're not together Kaelie!" He was trying not to yell but was coming very close. "I had to leave, that's all you need to know"….."No, we weren't going to do that! I had no plans whatsoever to spend any time with you!" There wasn't any way for me to hear her end of the conversation, but whatever she said caused Jace's irritation to rise to a whole other level. "I never wanted to sleep with you! I never even tried! How the hell was I using you then?!"…. "You're crazy! We haven't been an item for over a year and you still actually think that I'm interested in you? Hah, you were a mistake, a 2 year long mistake! This conversation is over!" I crept out of the hallway and he looked up at me behind his hair._

_"__Hey," he said, and I can tell he was embarrassed. "How're you feeling?"_

_"__Okay. I just feel like I was hit by a train," I said jokingly. I immediately regretted it because I saw the anger flash through his face as he looked away. I never realized how well I can read his emotions until now. He was clenching his jaw so hard I thought his teeth were going to break. "Jace, I'm sorry, I didn't-"_

_"__Clary, stop. You have nothing to be sorry about," as he was saying that he got up and in 3 quick strides was in front of me. With his hands softly on my shoulders he continued. "If it were up to me I'd have killed the bastard. Your brother would have had my head if I didn't get there in time." I found my breathing had quickened at his touch, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, and the butterflies in my stomach were fighting to be free of their cage. Not able to take the tension, I gathered whatever courage I could muster up and pulled his face to mine's for a kiss. His lips were soft to the touch and as if we were on the same page, the kiss was deepened. It stopped to soon and I greedily wanted more. I leaned into his embrace as he placed his chin atop my head. As I put my arms around his waist, I couldn't help but feel like our bodies fit perfectly together. As luck would have it for me, that too ended quickly from a knock at the door._

_"__Herondale!" the voice outside sang._

_I ran to open the door because I knew Issy was just on the outside of it. Of course I realized too late that I was still in only Jace's t-shirt._

_"__What the hell?" she shrieked and I thought her eyes were going to fall out of her head._

_"__Please Isabelle. I have neighbors…." Jace said pulling her inside._

_We sat at the kitchen table while I explained everything to here, leaving out what happened after I went to bed. The first time. She kept quiet for the most part, only mumbling 'I'm going to kill him' every couple seconds._

_"__I need to call Simon-we need to cancel our hotel reservations."_

_"__What? No, why?"_

_"__Clary we can't go to the Hamptons now. Look at your face. You can't very well go walking around that place looking like this and you can't go home either. You can stay at my place and we'll hang in my room till the bruising fades and figure out something else to do. You're parents are already expecting you to be gone for the spring break week, so we'll just be at my place instead."_

_"__Issy, I can't let you do that. I can just stay at my dad's or something. Don't ruin this week because of me."_

_"__Oh right. Let your dad see your face and he'll end up in prison for manslaughter!"_

_"__We could still go, I can stay in the hotel room until the bruising fades!"_

_"__That's depressing!" she's shouting at me now._

_"__Well I don't know what else to do! I don't want you bailing on Simon because of me!" I yell back at her._

_"__Stop! Both of you!" Jace intervenes slamming his palms down on the table. "Clary, you'll stay here. I don't have classes this week, just work. So you'll have the place to yourself most of the time. You don't have to worry about food. I have plenty, you can stay in my room, and before you say anything-I'm used to sleeping on the couch. Plus no one knows where I live except Jon, Will, Alec and Magnus. But they rarely come around. You'll be perfectly safe and out of the public eye."_

_"__That works," Issy said contemplating the situation. "Luckily for you I have your suitcase down in my car already." I couldn't even register what she was saying because I was staring at Jace shocked._

_"__Give me the keys. I'll go get it."_

_"__Her's is the purple one."_

_"__Wait-" I try to continue but Jace cuts me off._

_"__Isabelle, talk some sense into her. I'll be back," he says already closing the door._

_"__Clary, this is probably the only option we have." I can't believe I'm in this predicament. I stare at my best friend knowing she was right and just nod._

_"__Come on, let's touch up your face. If I keep looking at that bruised I'm going to end up in prison for manslaughter." She takes out her makeup bag and we go to Jace's bathroom. As she's applying cover up to my cheek, Jace brings my suitcase into his room and goes back into the living room. I change and go back to Issy so she can apply the rest of her magic._

_"__You know, I can't help but think that if Sebastard (her new nickname for him) hadn't asked you out in freshman year that maybe Jace would have, although getting past Jonathon would have been a problem."_

_"__Don't be ridiculous. We've all known each other since we were in diapers. That would be like Jonathon hitting on you."_

_"__Clary, seriously, we both know jocks aren't my type!"_

_"__And they're mine?"_

_"__No. Just Jace. I remember when the guys all saw Sebastard and you holding hand for the first time, actually for every time after the first time too…." She said thoughtfully._

_"__Yeah, they were pretty upset."_

_"__Upset? That's an understatement. Jon, Will and Alec looked ready to rip him limb from limb, but Jace looked like his world had just fallen apart."_

_"__I don't remember that," but I did. I just didn't realize it at the time. Jonathon and William were juniors at the time, as Alec and Jace were sophomores. Where Jon was my big brother; Will, Alec and Jace were Issy's. Although Will and Jace were actually not related to her, but when their parents died in a car accident they were adopted by Issy and Alec's parents. William joined the air force with Jon when they both graduated. And Jace moved out when he reached the age of 18 and his trust fund kicked in. I didn't talk much with Jace after that, he was never at Issy's anymore, and since Jon was gone, he never came by the house anymore either. This was my first time here at his place since I didn't have a reason to come here before. The only thing I know about Jace was that he was accepted into law school and worked part time as at some Manhattan law office._

_"__Do you hear that?" Issy said cutting into my thoughts._

_"__Hear what?"_

_"__Shush," Issy hopped off the stool and headed for the bedroom door with me in tow. Down the hall we heard voices. "So much for no one coming by," she whispered to me._

_"__Come on Jace-why the rush for us to leave?"_

_"__I'm just heading out-"_

_"__Quit lying," the other voice says joking. I suddenly knew who it was._

_ALEC._

_"__Are you into woman's accessories all of a sudden," Magnus teased._

_"__I knew you were holding out on the ladies for a reason!" Alec says laughing._

_"__It's not mine!" I mentally face palm thinking of issy's purse at the table._

_"__Well let's see who our lucky lady is….." silence suddenly filled the entire place. It felt like that saying-the quiet before the storm. Suddenly there was a thump and uncomprehending shouts._

_"__She's my sister!"_

_"__What the hell-"_

_"__Gentlemen! Please!"_

_Issy bolted out of the room quicker than my eyes could see. "Alec quit it!"_

_"__Really Issy….Jace? He's like your brother! How do you think Simon's going to-"_

_"__Oh will you shut up Alec! I'm not WITH him!"_

_"__Then why the hell are you here?" That was my cue. I made my way down the hall, thanking the angels that I was wise enough to change into my clothes._

_"__She's here because of me," I said looking at Alec and Magnus._

_"__Jace, you didn't-" _

_"__No Magnus! Look, it's a long story. You guys take a seat and we'll explain everything," Jace said as he went into the kitchen to get everyone coffee._

_I explained everything to them from the moment of the King and Queen dance, to my new living arrangements for spring break week. Both Magnus and Alec looked enraged._

_"__Does Jonathon know?"_

_"__Alec, it just happened last night, plus him and Will are overseas and we have no way in contacting them," Issy said tiredly. Wait, contacting THEM!_

_"__You all have to promise not to say a thing! Not to anyone! Please!"_

_"__Clar-"_

_"__No Issy! I will tell Jonathon on my own terms, but not now…..Please, just keep this between us?"_

_They soon agreed and shortly afterwards they all leave. Jace ordered us some pizza while I found a movie for us to watch. He joined me on the couch and for some reason I automatically leaned into his side. He didn't argue, or move away; he just held me._

_"__Jace, can we talk about something?"_

_"__Shoot."_

_"__Are you sure I'm not imposing on you by staying here?"_

_"__Yes I'm sure. I like having you here, it doesn't feel so lonely." _

We were still in the air when I woke up and I needed to get up and stretch my legs. I glance in front of me and notice my angel's sleeping peacefully. I still don't' know how I am going to break the new about their uncle. They adored him so much, as he did them. Besides Tessa and me, Jon, my parents and Luke were the only family these kids knew. When I found out I was pregnant the first person I wanted to tell was Issy, but I knew right away that would open up a can of worms that I didn't need. Thinking back to the night Jace and I had our first and last fight always brings tears to my eyes…

"You're moving to California?" he shouted at me.

"Yes, I'm sorry I didn't say anything about it before."

"_Before?_ You mean before as in during the week you stayed with me, or how about before you kissed me the first time, or maybe even before we started sleeping together? You couldn't mention it before or after any of these moments?" My heart broke as I seen the pain in his eyes. We fell in love over that week, I know it seems fast, but we've truly always cared for each other. The timing was just never right.

"I didn't do it on purpose! That was the last thing on my mind while I was with you…"

"Because moving across the country is just something that slips your mind? Tell me the truth, was I just a rebound for you? Because that's what it feels like to me!"

"Of course not! Don't be ridiculous! It just hit me when you told me about your promotion and how you wanted to look into a bigger place for us! I realized that I won't be able to move in with you because I'm moving there for school!" I was crying by this point, feeling stupid that I hadn't mentioned it before. How did I not remember that stupid detail? "I'm so sorry, but can't we wor-"

"Stop, don't even say it. Let's just look at the reality of it: We are in 2 separate places in our lives and that's that." I never thought he could be so cold. As if I didn't mean anything to him.

"Are you saying….." my voice wavered as I met his gaze.

"I'm saying that maybe this was all a mistake. Just one big mistake!" That seemed to be his closing line for break ups. I knew he was hurting as much as me, but his tone held no sense of regret. He was important to me and me to him; we even lost our innocence to each other. But in this moment, in this argument we held in the front of Central Park I didn't see one hint of remorse in his eye.

"Fine, you won't ever hear from me again." I hailed the closest cab and left before I gave myself a chance to think twice about it.

(Memory ends)

He tried contacting me the first couple of weeks after I moved, but I told my family I wanted nothing to do with him. I talked to Issy, Simon, Alec and Magnus, but when I found out I was pregnant I stopped talking to them altogether. If they found out Jace would find out, so I made a decision that mind and heart didn't agree on, and stuck with it.

Taking my seat again, I saw Belle awake and looking right at me.

"Is something the matter mommy?" she asked with worry in her wide tawny eyes.

"Why do you ask Bell?" I reply as I knelt in front of her and push a golden blonde curl behind her ear.

"You just seem really, really sad."

"I see it too, mom," Jax says. I didn't even realize he was awake. I guess it's now or never.

"Well, you know how Uncle J works in the air force?"

"Yeah, he protects us from the bad guys," Jax states as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Yes, but, well he was hurt very badly and-"

"He died didn't he?" Belle asks already crying. My face gave them their answer and the immediately began crying. I held onto the both of them crying as well. Belle eventually cried herself to sleep, so I moved back to my seat with Jax in my lap.

"So he's gone?" he asks through his sniffles. "Like our dad?" My whole body tenses and I can't think of how to answer. "I'm sorry mommy, I didn't mean to ask."

"Shhh, it's okay. Why don't we put your seat back and you get some rest?"

As I go to sit back in my seat after tucking him in I noticed Tessa awake.

"Tess, I didn't think this through," I whispered.

"You think he'll know?"

"Not a doubt. Even with Jackson's green eyes, they look just like him, golden curls and everything."

"What do you think's going to happen?"

"I'm not sure, but I can't let him see them; at least not until the day of the funeral. I'm going to book us a flight for either that night or early the next day to come home.

"Clary, we don't know when services are even going to be held. You do realize that it's not going to be the same day as your brother's body is here right?" I suddenly felt nauseous and found difficulty breathing. "Don't worry honey, I'm here for you. I always will be." I began crying again, not just because of Jace, but because of all the friends I've hurt due to this, because of the secrets I made my family keep for me, and because I lost my best friend, my brother Jonathon. The pain of everything coursed through me and I cried until the plane landed.

We checked into The Sanctuary Hotel near Times Square by noon. After unpacking and getting the kids fed and situated in our 2 bedroom suite, I kissed them bye and left for my mom and Luke's. I didn't want them to see the grief that we were all feeling. We just got the news this morning, so the grief and pain are still fresh. When the cab pulled up to my old Brooklyn home I recognized about a dozen cars parked on the curbs. Bad news travels fast I suppose. When the door opened, my heart stopped. I wasn't ready to face him just yet, and from the looks of it neither was he. Jace pulled me into an immediate bear hug and I instantly broke into tears.

"I'm so sorry Clary," he whispered into my hair. He eventually released me and walked me into the living room with his hand on my lower back. The salutations were more than tearful. My mom dad and Luke each hugged me for what felt like an eternity. The house was full of people, a few I remember from school and others I knew as friends of my parents. My reunion with Issy, Simon, Alec and Magnus was a little strained. Everyone just kept telling me how sorry they were for my loss. The weight of the room suddenly became too much for me to bear, so I went out back for some fresh air.

"It's like a dream isn't it?" I turned around startled to see Jace behind me.

"I'd say a nightmare," my throat was dry from all the crying.

"Are you doing okay?"

"I'm as well as could be expected." He steps closer and cups my face in his hand; the touch so familiar as if I'd never went a day without it. I look into his eye and see our children in them; children that I never gave him the chance to know. Now I can understand why my family's been bringing up the fact that he should know; because he deserves to know.

"Jace, I have to tell you something," I say without thinking. He looks at me waiting, but we are interrupted by the door opening. He pulls away his hand and I turn so I'm now facing the direction of our guest.

"Jace?" a woman calls.

"Yeah?"

"Are you almost ready to go? I'm exhausted." As she's talking, she makes her way out the door and I realize that she's very pretty and very pregnant. "Oh hello. Clary, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm Seraphina," she smiles brightly at me then adding, "Seraphina Herondale."

**I intended to break this up into 2 chapters, but I wanted to give you all a longer one to read! I hope you all enjoyed it! I'll be back soon! Xo**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ooooooh the reviews! They keep me going, no matter how few I get! The fact that a few people even like my story makes me want to keep it up! I love you readers, please enjoy this next chapter! Thank you all so much for your support, it truly is appreciated! Xo**

Chapter 4

"….Jace and Williams's cousin. Well through marriage anyway."

I released a breath that I didn't realize I was holding and stood there staring at her.

"You okay sweetie?"

"What? Yeah, I mean yes, umm, I should get going."

"You aren't staying here?" Jace asked concerned.

"No, I have other accommodations."

"Really? Where?" Seraphina asked.

"In the city," _stay brief Clary…keep it brief…_

"What a coincidence; us too! My husband and I checked into The Sanctuary last night."

"Even though I've told you guys that you're more than welcome to stay at my place," Jace said to her.

"We like privacy, thank you."

"Ewww," he said as she mock slapped his arm while laughing.

"Anyway, where are you staying Clary?"

"The Sanctuary," I mumbled; I could feel my body going numb piece by piece.

"That must be where I recognized you from! When I first seen you here, I thought _I know I've seen her before. _You were unloading your cab as we were leaving."

_Oh gosh, please stop there! _ Was all I could think, but we all know how luck is always on my side right?

"There was another woman with you too, tall, gray eyes and lovely brown hair," oh crap, oh crap. "Oh! And those children were just precious! Since I found out I was pregnant, I notice children more often." Jace stiffened next to her and I watched as he swallowed, clenching and unclenching his jaw. "Might I add that I've never seen any child quite as beautiful as those two? We should share a cab back, I'm sure Dale wouldn't mind; or Jace, since it's on the way to his brown stone."

"I'm so sorry, Seraphina. It was nice to meet you, but I have other errands to tend to. I have to go," I say, turning and running down the patio stairs, around the side of the house, making my way to the sidewalk.

I'm halfway down the street when someone grabs my elbow and turns me around.

"What was she talking about?" Jace asked.

"I-I'm not sure," I stammer.

"Don't give me that," he says firmly. "If you're married with kids, just tell me." He look as if he knows already, unfortunately he's come to the wrong assumption. "This way I can move on from the idea of you and me." Wow, I wasn't expecting him to say that.

"I'm not-" deep breath Clary, now or never. I preferred the latter. "I'm not married." The relief that is washing over him is palpable. "Can we talk about this somewhere else, please?"

Reluctantly he agrees and hails a cab that we ride to what I can only guess as would be his place. He leads me inside and is turning on light after light until we reach the living room. I take a seat as he gets us coffee and goes to sit on the couch across from me. I look everywhere, but at him. I notice he has quite a collection of pictures on his wall, some of Alec, Magnus, Jonathon, William, Issy and even Simon. But those weren't the ones to get my attention, what got my attention is that I was in every other picture with them all; and then there were the pictures of us. I could remember each moment with him in those photos.

"So," I start. "Are you married?"

"Let's not change our previous conversation," he says sternly, but adds, "And for the record, No. So about the kids Seraphina saw with you today," he leans forward placing his elbows on his knees. "Are they yours?" Unable to speak, I just nod. "Did you and their father divorce or are you separated?" I shake my head. "Were you ever married?" Another shake of my head. "Does he see them?" I shake my head again and notice how upset he looks over that fact. "How old are th-"

_Saved by my phone! _

"Hello?"

"CLARY! I'm so sorry!" Tess was crying into the phone.

"Tessa? What happened?" I say already rushing towards the front door.

"I turned around for one second; ONE! Just to lift Belle into the bath!"

"Tess, breathe. Calm down, is my son okay?"

"He was playing on the bed and then I heard him fall. I ran to him and he was screaming and holding his arm! We've just arrived at the hospital now!"

"I'll meet you there! Jace, I have to go…."

"Is everything okay?"

"No, I need to get to the hospital!" I ran out of the front door before he could say anything and hailed a cab. The cab ride seemed to take forever, and I was beginning to lose my mind.

As soon as the cab stopped in the front of the hospital entrance, I pay and hop out not caring about the change. I ran in only pausing to get information on my son. The elevator stops on the pediatrics floor and I see Tessa and Belle. I ran over and hugged them, and Tess takes me to the room Jax is in. Of course my son is in the hospital, so all of the most horrible thoughts are running through my mind, but when I get inside I wasn't prepared to see what was in front of me.

"Jackson Aleczander," he turned to me and waved with his good hand, as if nothing was wrong.

"Hi mommy! This is my friend Christopher, but he likes to be called CJ. He has a cast too!" he looks like his normal happy self, anD I let out a relieved sigh.

I look towards the little boy, and I'm taken aback. He looks like he could be one of my own, with the exception of his very blonde hair, but his eyes are the exact shade of mine and Jax's. His face was strikingly familiar and I had the urge to wrap him in my arms.

"All done Jax." He seemed to be around four years old.

"Awesome! Check out my guardian angel mom!" He says excitedly as he hopped off the bed and came to me. Looking at the picture, you wouldn't think a 4 year old did that.

"This is amazing CJ…Where'd you learn to draw so well?" He shrugged avoiding my eyes. I had to tear my eyes away from the little boy trying to hide my sadness. "Jax, how are you feeling baby?"

"I'm good….When can we leave?"

"Right about now," said the nurse walking in. She informs me that it's only a slight sprain and goes over the follow-up instructions and once she found out I'm the head nurse of the surgical unit at my hospital, she laughed at herself and said I knew exactly what to do. After signing the discharge paperwork and handing it back to her, I followed her out the room.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?"

"The little boy in there, is he- does he…." My voice trailed off when her facial expression fell.

"He was in a car accident with his mother, late last night. She died instantly, but he only sustained minor injuries including his broken arm."

"And his father?"

"No word yet. He was coming home from the army, or military-" my world stopped.

"Air force?" I managed to ask.

"Yeah, I think that's what the little boy said. We tried to ask more, but he said that he was supposed to meet him for the first time today. We're trying to obtain any legal files we can hoping his mother listed his name somewhere, so we can try to track him down. But if we don't get it done soon he'll be put into the system."

My heart began to break all over again at that thought and as soon as I was able to control myself I asked her another question. "Can you do me a favor?"

"I can't make any promises, but I'll try."

"I believe my brother may have been his father."

"Oh my goodness, really? Is there any way you can-wait a second, _may have?_" By the look on her face, realization must have set in. "Oh no."

"If I give the hospital consent for what is needed to process a DNA test, can it be ran and completed before social services are involved?"

"It's a possibility, but we still need his DNA-"

"His body should be returned by tomorrow or the day after. Have the hospital send the funeral home a court order."

"I can't believe this," she said sounding relieved.

"Trust me, I can't either." We left soon after that and went back to the hotel.

"What are the odds that Jax was in the same room as you brother's possible son? His SON!" Tessa exclaimed after I told her what happened back at the hospital.

"I know, it's unbelievable," I say more to myself.

"How was the visit to your mom's?" I internally groaned. I completely forgot about mentioning my encounter with Jace. After taking a deep breath I dive in and go over all the details. How restrained my friends acted towards me, how Jace was the one who opened the door to my mothers house, how it felt when he hugged me; about his cousin, who I thought was his pregnant wife at first, had seen us unloading our cab and it just so happens that she's staying in the same hotel as us. I then went on to tell her about being in his home, and the questions he was asking me.

"Do you think he figured it out?"

"I don't know. I doubt it; he couldn't possibly have guessed that they're twins, he just knows I have two children...and I never got around to tell him how old they are. I don't know how to tell him; Tessa, I'm scared. He's going to hate me."

"I doubt that. After what you've told me about today, I don't think he could ever hate you."

"Jonathon told me that he had a surprise for me," I said changing the topic. "I think he was going to tell me about his son, and I'm starting to think that his sudden interest in me telling Jace had to do with him finding out about being a father. Poor Jon….he'll never meet his little boy!" I start crying hysterically as Tessa wraps her arms around me.

"Clary, it'll be okay. I know it hurts now, but this too shall pass. You need to get rest though. It's been a long emotional day, and tomorrow we have another long day ahead of us.

I oblige and go into the room with the kids. Our bedroom had two beds, so well they occupied one I went to lay on my own. Thinking about today's events, from Luke and dad's phone call, to seeing Jace, and to meeting what could possibly be to last piece of Jonathon in this world-I cried myself to sleep.

_…__it was Wednesday night and the April showers were falling down roughly. I was waiting on Jace to get back from work. I've been doing that the past 2 days. He's usually back by 3:30, but it's almost 7pm. I couldn't help but think something happened to him. The past couple days had really brought us close, we still share our small kisses here and there, snuggling beside each other at night. I tried calling him again, but I keep getting his voicemail. I'm sitting on the ground facing the window, with my knees to my chest staring at the city below me; watching as the storm doesn't bother to let up. Tears stain my cheeks and as soon as they begin to fall again, I hear the locks turn, and in walks Jace soaking wet._

_"__You wouldn't believe my luck! The subways lost power, but luckily we were close enough to the platform so after an hour or so they decided to let us exit through there. Of course, there weren't any cabs available, not that I would have taken one. The traffic is crazy right now. I had to walk over 8 blocks before I the traffic thinned and I found an available cab; I didn't think he was gonna let me….in…" he paused looking at me. "Clary, are you okay?"_

_"__Yeah," I croaked and before I knew what I was doing, I ran over to him, threw my arms around his neck and began to cry. "I'm so glad you're okay."_

_"__Hey, of course I am. I would have called you, but I left my phone at the office."_

_I pull back to look at him and see his eyes boring into mine. I begin to lean my lips up towards his and he closes the distance. Unlike the small kisses we've shared, this one was like the first one. His soft full lips part as he caresses my lips with his tongue. I open my mouth and the kiss immediately intensifies. I loosen his tie and begin to unbutton his shirt. His hands make their way under my shirt and grip my waist tenderly; he slides one hand up my back and the other across it. As if we've read each other's mind, he lifts me up while I wrap my legs around his hips. He carries me to the bedroom and gently lays me on my back with his body over me. Our clothes end up in a heap on the floor while our bodies find warmth and pleasure, between soft kisses and tender touches. He suddenly pulls away, looking at me while he's breathing heavily and starts to apologize._

_"__Jace, it's okay. I want this."_

_"__I just…..I've never done this before." __**Whoa, seriously? **__"Are you sure?"_

_"__Yes, I'm positive."_

_He positioned himself between my thighs, and I let out a small yelp. He looks into my eyes as he slowly and gently slips into me. It hurt at first, but the pain soon fades and we soon find ourselves lost in ecstasy…._

I woke up this morning thinking back to that night and the rest of that week. Our first time was so sudden that we hadn't thought about being safe, but every time after that we made sure to be.

Tessa and I took the kids out for breakfast and then she took them to the museum while I went back to my mom's. I sat on the couch next to my dad watching as people came and went. They wanted to see how she was holding up, and even brought her different casserole dishes so she didn't have to cook. I wanted to mention CJ, but I couldn't bring myself to; I wasn't even sure if he was Jonathan's, so I couldn't get there hopes up.

We were waiting to hear from the funeral home so we could go and view Jonathon's body. I broke down every time I thought about it. We decided to have a service and viewing, but we were going to cremate him.

"So how are Jax and Belle?" my dad asked while the house was empty of guests.

"They're good. I wish they were with my right now."

"They don't need to see all of this," my mom told me softly.

"They know about Jonathon. They cry at night for him."

"Are they with Tessa?" asked Luke.

"Yes, she took them to the museum for the day…"

"You mean they're here, in New York?" my mom said with a glint of happiness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't mention that before. But yes they're here and They're going to want to say good bye to their uncle."

"What about their dad?" my dad asked worried for me.

"I'm going to tell him, I just don't know how or when. But it's what Jonathon would have wanted."

They were silent, but their looks screamed with relief. My family respected my choices even when they didn't agree with me.

"Clary, after the service the Lightwood's are hosting the luncheon at their estate," Luke said cautiously, as if it would hurt me somehow.

"Okay," was all I said. There was no more to it-I screwed up. Now it's time for me to face the inevitable. Hiding my life's decisions was no longer an option. I can't keep hurting those I love by being selfish. I can only imagine how angry my friend's, the Lightwoods and even Jace are going to be. I just hope it's not taken out on my children. They don't deserve to suffer because of my mistakes. I'm drawn out of my thoughts by another knock at the door.

"I'll get it," my dad says as he gets up and makes his way to the door. "Maryse, Robert, thank you for coming."

"Oh Valentine, I'm so sorry!" Maryse cries as she hugs my dad.

"Hey Mr. Morgenstern," a familiar voice said.

"William?"

_William, as in William Herondale?_ I see him trailing behind Maryse and Robert as they make their way into the living room. He's in uniform, but has bandaging across one eye and his leg in a cast. He's using a crutch to help support him. As soon as he sees me, he makes his way over and I get up and practically run to him. He wraps his arms over my shoulders and we both begin to cry.

After yet another day of crying I leave to go the funeral home. It's freezing in this place, but I'm sure it has nothing to do with the room temperature. I speak to the coordinator briefly and he mentioned the subpoena to me. I told him to go ahead and take care of what needs to be taken care of. He agrees without arguing and leads me to the last place I wanted to be. My mom and dad were going to come with me, but I needed to be by myself for a little while. I sat there alone with my brother's body and cried some more. After an hour or so, I couldn't bear the pressure building in my chest, so I kissed his cold forehead and left.

I collect myself and make my way back to the hotel to meet Tessa and the kids for dinner like I promised. We ate at an Italian restaurant a couple blocks away within walking distance, which was nice because by the time we got back into the lobby, the kids were ready to bathe and go to bed. As we were waiting for an elevator I heard my name being called.

"Clary!" _ Uh-oh…._I try to pretend not to hear, but curiosity gets the better of my small children.

"Mommy, that lady's calling you," Belle says pointing directly at Issy and Simon, who were coming towards us.

**Uh-ooooooh...how do you think they're going to react to the twins?! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**OOOOOkay! Who's ready for the confrontation? This is going to be a short update….. I know some of you wanted to see what happens, and I would like for you to know! So ready or not-here I go! Please enjoy! Xo**

"Oh, hey guys!" I say as nonchalantly as possible, as I turn to face them.

"Hey."

"Hey," Simon says a second after Issy.

"What's going on?"

"Well we just dropped off our cousin and were going to go out for a drink. Wanna come?" Simon said, as Issy stared at Belle and Jax.

"I really shouldn't, I need to put these two to bed," I say as I tentatively gesture toward my kids.

"Oh, I didn't know," Simon said looking down, as Issy crouched down to meet them at their eye level.

"Hi there, my name's Isabelle… How are you?" I could hear suspicion in her voice, but I'm sure she sounded quite polite to them.

I glance toward Simon and he returns a knowing look at me. "Guys, do remember when I told you about my friends from here? This is Issy and Simon….." I'm sure they sort of recognized her from the few pictures they've seen, but I knew they realized instantly when I said their names; they were good with names, especially since Belle knew she was named after my best friend/sister. They relaxed their grip on my hands as they looked between the two adults in front of them.

"It's nice to meet you," Simon said as he squatted beside Issy.

"It's nice to meet you Issy and Simon. My name's Jackson Aleczander Fairchild and this is-" Jax started, but his sister cut him off.

"I'm Isabelle Jocelyn Fairchild, but please call me Belle-_it's French for beautiful, you know,"_ she said as the two of them held their hands out to shake. Isabelle quickly glanced at me before sharing a look with Simon, than turned back to my children to shake their hands with tears in her eyes.

"And this is Tessa," I say, trying to draw their attention to me.

"Tessa Gray, it's a pleasure to finally meet you both. I have heard so much," Tess chimed in.

"Wish we could say the same," Issy said forcing a smile as she stood back up.

I glanced a Tessa with a pleading look in my eyes. I didn't know what I'm supposed to do next. Luckily she could sense my tension.

"Clary, I'm going to take the kids upstairs. You should go have that drink, and catch up. I'm sure you have plenty to talk about," she said while gathering Belle and Jax's hands in her own. I gave them a hug and promised to be up soon. As they entered the elevator, I waved to them and then turned to face the inevitable glare of Issy.

"I can't stay too late. The hotel has a bar, if you'd like, we could go there?" I meant the question for both of them, but I kept my eyes on Simon. If I looked at Issy I'd have broken down again from the hurt and betrayed look she was that i could feel her giving me.

We sat in a pretty private booth and waited for the waitress to leave after taking our order, before any of us spoke up.

"Care to explain?" Issy asked accusingly.

"I'm so sorry about this….. I didn't know how to tell you guys, not without Jace finding out. I didn't intend on ever-"

"Ever what? Ever telling us? Clary, what the hell?! What kind of friend cuts everyone out of her life the way you did?"

"Issy I-"

"We would have been there for you," She was crying now. "Why did you put yourself through all of this? What reason was there not to tell us?"

"I didn't want this getting back to-"

"Jace?" Simon finally spoke up. "You don't think he'd have wanted to know? That he didn't deserve to know?"

"I considered it, when I found out, but he had so much going for him. I didn't want to mess up his future-"

"That's crap!" Issy nearly shouted, cutting me off. "You were his future! He would have been over the moon! He loves you so much- he always has! And let's not forget how much we love you! I can't believe you wouldn't trust us to-"

"Issy please…. Could you really have kept this to yourself?" I said as fiercely as possible.

She looked down at her hands before answering me. "Probably not."

"See?"

"Because it's wrong! He has every right to kn-"

"And I plan to be the one to tell him!" I say as I slam my hands on the table.

"You…..do?" Simon asked with a shocked expression on his face.

"Well, I certainly can't keep this from him. Especially now since-" I started to cry. Issy got up from her side of the table to sit next to me and hug me. "I know I can't make up for what I've done. And I can understand if you guys hate me for the rest of our lives, but I was so scared and confused about it all."

"Shhhh-it's okay Clary. We don't hate you. We get it-sort of," Issy said trying to console me.

"Why don't you explain it to us," Simon suggested.

I told them everything; about how angry jace was about me going to school in California. How he said our relationship was a mistake, since we were going in different directions with our lives and that it'd be best for him and me to just end it and not look back. It was because I didn't plan to move back to New York, and he didn't plan on leaving. I then went on to explain how I met Tessa and how she's helped me so much since I found out I was pregnant, and as i finished my schooling. I told them about my premature labor and what the past 5 ½ years have been like to raise the kids on my own with only Tess to help me out. They listened as I told them my life's story since I'd moved; Issy only interrupting me once to show her gratitude of naming my daughter after her and giving my son her brother's name as a second.

When I was finally done, we change the subject to what they've been up to the past few years. Simon was the Co-Executive at a video game company where he designed and created games and consoles. Issy had her own fashion designing company with her own clothing line in Manhattan. They hadn't gotten married or engaged yet, much to Issy's dismay; but when I looked at Simon as we talked about it, he gave me a smirk that pretty much explained he's planning to.

After a few drinks, some crying, and a lot of laughs, we exchanged phone numbers and planned to have brunch at Alec's and Magnus's tomorrow. I also promised to get together a few more times before I went back to California. I walked them out to their car and went to my room to find the kids already asleep and Tess with her nose in a book.

"So everything go okay?" she asked as I sat next to her.

"Much better than I expected," I admitted.

"Clary, would you ever consider-" My phone buzzed before she could finish. "You should get that."

"Hello?"

"Clarissa Fairchild?"

"Yes."

"This is nurse Cameron, from the hospital last night."

"Oh. Hi," they couldn't have gotten the results that fast right?

"I was just calling to inform you that we sent up the labs for the DNA testing a few hours ago. We should receive the results in a day or two."

"Not that I'm complaining, but that's quick."

"I put a rush on them. In 72 hours, if a family member doesn't pick up Christopher, he will be going with social services. As far as we know, his mother had no living family members and was an only child. Hopefully we can get this all cleared up before then. I'd hate to see him put into the system."

"I know, me too."

"Well thank you! Thank you so much for helping us."

"Of course. You'll contact me as soon as you get any information?"

"Yes, I promise. Goodnight."

"Bye." I stared at my phone for a few minutes before I turned to Tessa. "That was the nurse from the hospital last night."

"They didn't get the results already did they?"

"No, she was just letting me know they got what they needed and sent up the tests. We'll have an answer in the next day or two."

"What do you plan on doing if it's a match?"

"I haven't put a lot of thought into it, but there isn't a doubt in my mind to not take him in. I know Jonathon would have done the same for me. What about you Tess? Would it bother you?"

"I would love to have another kiddo around. It's not like I hate my job or something," she laughed. "But really Clary-I am here for you no matter _what_, understand?"

"You're the best…I promise you'll get a raise!"

"Clary, you overpay me as it is- and I really enjoy being a part of your family."

She was most definitely a part of my family. No matter what happens next, Tess will always be a part of it.

"We should get rest. I'm going to take the kids to meet Alec and Magnus tomorrow mid morning. You're more than welcome to join-"

"Oh no….If they're initial reaction is anything like Issy's, then you should all have some privacy. Do you mind if I take the morning off? I'll meet you at your mom's in the afternoon, let's say 3 pm?"

"You got it. Goodnight Tess."

"Night Clary."

Half way through the night I woke up to Belle crying, so I went over and lay next to her, rubbing her back.

"It's okay, baby," I say softly.

"I'm never going to see uncle J again am I mommy? I'll never get to talk to him anymore, or play with him ever again! Who's gonna teach us how to fish? Or play catch? Or how to fight to protect ourselves? He promised he'd teach us all of that," she said as she cried into her pillow.

"Ya, mom," said Jax, climbing into my lap. "Grandpa and papa Luke are getting kinda old and no offense mom, but you and aunt Tess can't throw a ball to save your lives." I laugh at my son's honesty as he hugs me.

"I know guys, but don't worry. Remember what uncle J used to say….Good things come to those who wait," I say trying to hold back my tears. "Hey, I have a few more friends I'd like you to meet tomorrow," I tell them as I try to change the subject. "Why don't we get some sleep so we can get an early start, huh?"

"Okay," they say together.

I stayed with them until they fell asleep. I barely slept the rest of the night, constantly tossing and turning. I felt like a complete train wreck when the first rays of sunlight came into view. Not able to sleep any longer, I got up and prepped us for the day ahead. I just hope that Alec and Magnus are as forgiving as Issy and Simon were.

**I promise to try to update soon! With the holidays coming up, a full time job, and a family to care for, I hope that you can all forgive me if I'm not able to! Please let me know how you liked this chapter! Good night to you all! XO**


	6. Chapter 6

**Can I just say that my reviewers keep me going! Thank you! I love that you are all enjoying my story so far! As I have mentioned before, I am sorry if my story doesn't meet anyone's expectations/standards….. But I do appreciate your criticism as well as compliments! If you have any questions, or requests, I am happy to hear them! Enjoy, XO**

Chapter 6

"Last chance to join us," I teased Tess as we put on our coats to walk out the door.

"You go ahead, and tell them hi from me," she said as she winked at us.

"Suit yourself!"

While we sat for breakfast in a diner up the street, I took this time to ponder how our lives were definitely about to change.

"Mommy, who are we going to meet today?" Jax asked after stuffing some bacon into his mouth.

"You guys are going to get to meet Magnus and Alec. Isabelle and Simon will be there also."

"Is that the Isabelle you named me after Mom?"

"As a matter of fact it is. She was my best friend growing up. We used to do everything together until I moved away."

"So how come she never came to visit?" I stared at my daughter, contemplating how to answer her ever so unexpected question. Her tawny, golden eyes bored into mine awaiting an answer, and I honestly didn't know how to without lying to her.

"Well, you see, when people grow up, they also grow apart. Even though Isabelle and I were very close at one point, we eventually weren't. But I wanted to always remember who she was, and to cherish my friendship with her, that's why I chose to name you Isabelle."

"What about me? Do you have a friend named Jackson?"

"No, but I do have a friend named Alec-short for Aleczander. He's Isabelle's brother, but if he decided to have a son one day he may want to name his son after him. And we couldn't very well have two Alec's running around," I said smiling into my son's beautiful green eyes.

"That's who we are visiting today right?"

"It sure is. Do remember when you asked if aunt Tess and I were both your mom's?"

They nodded at me.

"Well Alec and Magnus would be two dads if they decided to have kids. Alec was one of uncle J's best friends when we were kids; even one of mine. He is really nice and I think you are both going to like him. And Magnus was one of my best friends along with Isabelle. He's also very nice."

"How come we've never met any of your friends before?"

"Jax, mommy just said they grew apart."

"I know, but why?"

Oh gosh, here come the why questions!

"Well, after I left here, I started college. During college, you two came along, but I wasn't finished with school yet. After I finally finished a few months ago, I had to start my career to support our family. And now with the little bit of time off I've been given we have the chance to meet everyone."

"But why not video chat? We did that with uncle J and grandpa, and grandma and papa Luke."

"Not everyone has video chatting, and if they did, I didn't have their numbers."

"Ooooh."

After we were done with breakfast we went for a walk in Central Park, which was on the way to Magnus and Alec's place. I let the kids run and play while I watched their golden curls blow with the wind. I will never get over how much they looked like their father. Belle's curly hair hung to her waist making her look even smaller than she already was. Jax, for a little boy, had broad shoulders and stood about 2 inches taller than his sister. We didn't stay too long due to the November weather. No snow yet, but it sure was cold. When we first got here, we had to buy the kids new coats, hats and boots because of the frigid air. In San Diego all we ever needed was a light sweater and jeans because it was hardly ever cold.

We eventually found ourselves on E. 77th between 5th and Madison at the Mark Hotel; the destination of Magnus and Alec's home. At first I was confused and had to show the address to the concierge, who then directed us to an elevator and hit the PH button. When we reached they're penthouse I was blown away. They had more room than the two of them needed, at least from my perspective. Luckily, Issy and Simon were there as promised.

"Well, hello. You must be Jackson, and you must be Isabelle?" Magnus asked cheerfully.

"Yes, but please call me Jax and my-"

"The name's Belle,_ it's French for beautiful you know?"_

Her statement immediately deteriated any tension there may have been.

"Very well, Jax and Belle it is," Alec responded with a grin.

"Mr. Magnus, you're very shimmery," Belle said.

"Belle…." I started.

"That's okay, please call me Magnus, or uncle Magnus if you wish. And yes, I am. I like to sparkle."

"Me too, do you think I can be as shimmery as you one day?"

"Why of course, maybe even by the end of today," he said as he knelt in front of her. "But, only if your mommy says it's okay."

After the introductions were made Magnus gave us a tour of the full floor penthouse. The living room ceilings were over 20 feet high with a fireplace and side wet bar. There were 6 bedrooms, all with a fire place and full bathrooms. All of the ceilings throughout the penthouse were over 10 feet high. There was a conservatory that was skylit with a staircase leading to the roof. When we reached the top of the stairs, there was a private rooftop terrace that held the most breathtaking view of Central Park and the city. I came to find out during our small talk that Magnus owned the hotel, along with a few others across the country. Alec wasn't doing so bad himself, he was in a partnership at one of New York's fastest growing law firm's. Oh, and guess who his partner just so happens to be? The infamous JACE HERONDALE. Fantastic, right!

The kids and I were so entranced by the view that we didn't pay attention to the decorations all around the terrace.

"Alec, Magnus-you didn't have to go through all of this trouble for a lunch!" I said shocked.

"Issy and Magnus took care of most of it. I just grilled the food," Alec stated.

"I did the shopping with Issy," Simon added.

"Si- I believe you may have had the hardest job of all," I replied and we all laughed. As much as Issy denied it, she was a picky shopper, than if you add shopaholic to that, it just makes matters worse.

"I hope you don't mind Clary, but we got the kids a couple of things," Magnus said.

"What exactly do you mean by things?" I ask.

"About 5 ½ years worth of birthday and Christmas gifts!" he replied as matter of factly.

"Mommy, can we open them? Please?" the kids pleaded.

"Well, maybe after lunch you guys can open them all, but for now, just one." What can I say? I can only take being strict so far. Issy insisted on her gift first, and of course no one argued with her determination.

"I really hope you guys like these, especially your mom," she said as she smiled at them. Belle opened a jewelry box that held a beautiful heart shaped locket and chain. When she opened it I was a little taken aback by what was in it. There, on the opposite side of an inscription, lay a picture of Jace and me.

"Mommy….isn't that you?" Belle asked looking up to me.

"Check it out Belle! I have the same picture in mine!" Jax cut in before I had a chance to answer. Issy gave him a beautiful pocket watch that had the same picture opposite of the clock face. "Who is that mommy?"

"Mommy?"

I could feel my face flush red, I couldn't overreact, not in front of the kids. Plus they were going to find out soon enough, and why not have a picture of their dad to always keep with them?

"Clary, i-" Issy started cautiously.

"It's fine," I say not looking at her, as I crouch to be at eye level with the kids. "You see this man here?" They looked back at the picture and nod. "This is your father. Remember how I said he was gone before-"

"Before the angels put us in your tummy," Belle finished for me.

"Yes," I said pushing back the tears threatening to spill out.

"So is he still gone?" Jax asked looking down at his watch. "Is he gone like uncle J?"

"No baby, not like uncle J," I said through tears.

"Then why won't we ever be able to see him?" Belle asked. I looked into her eyes again, and as always, saw her dad there. She had tears coming down her cheeks and began to sniffle. Jax being her protective brother, put an arm over her shoulders, giving her that brotherly hug that Jon always gave me. I could no longer hold it in, not anymore.

"You will. I promise," I tell them as I pull them both in for a hug.

After our tearful, revealing moment we straighten up and continue with our luncheon. I thanked Issy, even though I was quite livid at first. But all I could do was forgive her because in reality, whether I liked it or not, this was going to happen; Jace will know the truth soon. When I asked Alec how to get in touch with Jace, he told me that he's been out of town on business since yesterday, until late tonight. That explains why he didn't show up at my mom's yesterday; and I realized at that moment that I was waiting for him.

When we were done with our lunch, we let the kids open the remainder of their extravagant gifts. They weren't kidding when they said over 5 years worth.

"I'm not sure how this will all fit in a cab to take back to our hotel," I said jokingly. Magnus and Alec shared a look that begged my next question. "What?"

"We were hoping you guys would stay here, with us," Alec said sheepishly.

"I'd love to, but we have Tessa with us also, and we're already paid in fu-"

"Maritzio has already agreed on a full refund and Tessa has packed and gathered all of your belongings. She should be here in-" _DOORBELL. _"Speak of the angel," Magnus said and went downstairs to meet Tess.

"We called your hotel, and luckily Tessa was there to answer," Issy explained as we went downstairs.

"Tess, you were supposed to take the morning off!" I exclaim as I hugged her.

"Morning off?" Simon asks.

"I'm Clary's live in nanny," she said as if she were telling them the sky were blue.

"Tess, you know better," I say as the others look at us curiously. "Magnus, Alec, meet Tessa. She has been my best friend since I moved to California. Without her, I'm not sure how I would have gotten by."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Tessa," Alec and Magnus said.

"The pleasures all mine. It's good to finally meet you, all of you."

"Magnus, Alec, thank you for your hospitality. We'll be glad to stay with you," I tell them. I watch their shoulders relax, and they begin to grab our luggage as my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Clarissa Fairchild?"

"Speaking."

"Miss Fairchild, Nurse Cameron left me you number and has instructed me to call you about some lab results."

"Are they in already?"

"Yes, and I'm glad to say that it's a match."

My world stopped on it's axis….

"Can you be here to officiate the paperwork by tomorrow morning?"

"Can I come now?"

"Of course, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again Miss Fairchild."

I was happy and sad all at once. I was going to save my nephew from being thrown into a foster home, but he will never have the chance to meet his dad.

I made my way to the living room where the kids were showing Tess their new toys and trinkets. As soon as she looks up at me she knows something's amiss.

"They called?" I nodded unable to speak.

"Clary are you okay? Who called?" Simon questioned.

"The hospital."

Everyone turned their focus on me, except the kids. They were too enthralled in their toys at the moment.

"Jax sprained his wrist the night before last and when I went to get him from the hospital there was another boy, four maybe. I didn't think anything of it, but then he looked at me and I swear it was Jonathon re-incarnated. The white blonde hair, his nose and lips and his eyes; oh my gosh, his eyes. I asked my nurse about him and she said his mom died in a car accident late the prior evening. He survived with only a few scratches and a broken arm. He was going to meet his dad for the first time while he was on leave from the air force. I put the pieces together and by chance allowed them to run a DNA test on Jonathon and him. They just informed me that they're a match."

"So what do you do now?" Issy asked placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm going to go get him. Tessa, will you take the kids to my mom's and will you guys please go with her? Prepare her and my dad and Luke for me please?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"You got it."  
>They all said at once. After hugging the kids, I rushed out the door and to the hospital.<p>

**I really hope you enjoyed this Chapter! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I will try to update soon! XO**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the long wait everyone! I had the flu last week and spent this entire prepping to host Thanksgiving! And tomorrow I get to host a Friends-giving! Wish me luck and happy reading!**

**btw...a big thank you to lindsayhonaker! You're such a sweetheart! Thank you for all your kind words and reviews! XO**

Ch 7

The paperwork was relentless, but completely worth all of the hassle. Getting Christopher, or CJ as he's corrected me, to come with me wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be; it was getting him to let me go that was hard. To be completely honest, I didn't want to let him go either. From the moment I picked him up, he buried his little face in my shoulder and began to sob. We stayed like that, outside of his hospital room for quite awhile, up until I realized that my family and friends are probably waiting on us. Picking him up and holding the small back pack, which was all he had, I made my way outside to hail a cab.

"Miss Clarissa Fairchild?" a gentleman I didn't recognize asks me as he approaches us.

"That's me- do I know you?"

"No, my apologies, my name is Vincent. Mr. Bane requested that I pick you up and take you to your destination," he said with a British accent, leading us to a limo. Yep, no question, Magnus Bane sent him for us.

When I slid into the limo, CJ was still hanging on to me as if I'd disappear, so I just held him on my lap during the drive. In his paperwork I found out his name was Christopher Jonathon Morgenstern; it seems hi mother knew exactly who the father was and even gave her son his dad's last name. Of course the only two people to know full details would have been Jon and Olivia-her name was another piece of info I learned. I was almost right about his age too; he's turning 4 a week before Christmas. He's tall for his age, not to mention talented. The state is requiring me to stay for the next 60 days to make sure that I am fit to care for him, since I'm a _young single mother of two. _That was irritating for me to hear. I already contacted my job and luckily I have enough sick time to take, not to mention a bonding leave of absence. I love that California is and employee supported state.

I didn't even notice when the car came to a stop until the driver opened the door. I climbed out with CJ in to. I had told him that we were going to meet our family, which he didn't look too happy about. At least until I mentioned that Jax would be there; he snapped out of his funk pretty quick hearing that. He was still in my arms when I walked into the house.

My mom gasped and slowly walked over to us, not wanting to scare the child.

"Hi there Christopher," she said through tears. "How are you sweetie?"

"I dunno. A little sad. Are you my aunt too?" he asked with his head in the crook of my neck facing her.

"This is your grandma, Jocelyn," I told him encouragingly, seeing as my mom was having a hard time talking. She moved to put an arm over my shoulders while her other hand rested on CJ's back. "And this is your grandpa, Valentine, that's papa Luke, that's aunt Tessa and these are our friends, Simon and Isabelle, and Alec and Magnus," I explain to him as I point at everyone. "Everyone, this is Christopher Jonathon Morgenstern, but please call him CJ. And I'm sure you remember Jackson?" I say as my kids make their way into the living room, and he finally smiles and nods acknowledging me. "And this is Isabelle, but we-" I start to explain to him as I knelt down in front of the twins.

"Please- call me Belle!" She said as she wraps her arms around him for a hug. "It's French for beautiful, ya know?" Everyone laughed a little at my daughter's ever so apparent confidence; just like her dad. When she took a step back, she asks him curiously, "Are you gonna be okay?"

He slowly nodded to her.

"Are they my cousins?" he whispered to me.

"Actually, if you're okay with it, you can call them your new brother and sister? How do you feel about that?"

"So then does that mean you're my new mommy?"

"Only if you want me to be, but if you'd rather call me aunt Clary, then that's okay too."

"I'll think about it."

"Hey CJ," Alec said softly kneeling next to my kids facing us. "We got some toys for you to play within the sitting room. Do you wanna come with Jax, Belle and me to check em out?"

He looks at me nervously.

"I'll be right here in the living room CJ. Why don't you go play?"

Belle and Jax each grabbed one of his hands and lead him away with Alec in tow. Simon soon followed them there leaving Tessa, Issy, and Magnus, my mom, dad, Luke and me in the living room.

"I hope you don't mind Clary, we stopped and got a few gifts for him. The kids helped us pick them out. They were very excited."

"Thank you, Magnus," I say as Alec came back into the room.

Issy and Tess sat on both sides of me, consoling me as silent tears fell down my cheeks.

"Did any of you know?" my dad asked; they all shook their heads.

"Looks like both your kids have a habit of not telling us about their own children," Alec responded playfully. We all laughed, even though his comment gave me goosies.

"I think Jon found out recently." They all looked at me curiously. "When I talked to him the day he was supposed to come home, he said he had a surprise for us. He then asked me about telling Jace; saying that Jace would be happy to know. It was as if he knew what it felt like to find out that kind of news."

"He would be happy," Issy said. "When you left, he threw himself into school and work. He didn't bother with anything else. He seemed so lost, it was as if those two things were all that was keeping him sane." I look at her surprised as she continued to speak. "Clary, he never moved on from you," she said slowly.

"When are you going to tell him?" Luke asked. I look around the room at all the faces staring back at me, waiting for a reply.

"Tomorrow, after Jon's service."

"Wouldn't it be better if he knew before?" Asked Tess.

"I have too much to deal with now, and from what Alec said, he's out of town on business until late tonight. There will be too much going on tomorrow beforehand, so afterwards will have to do."

"Are you sure about this Clary?" my mom questions.

"Yes, Jonathon would have wanted this. He knew what it was like. I just hope Jace has the same reaction."

We all stayed at my mom's until after dinner and then went our Separate ways. Simon and Issy went home, Tess and I, along with the kids, hopped in the limo with Alec and Magnus to head back to their place. We all have our own rooms, but the kids all insisted on laying with me tonight. Luckily it's a king sized bed, so we could all four fit just fine. After singing them to sleep, I doze off immediately.

_"__Clary, please-can we-"_

_"__Don't. Don't you dare ask anything of me. You did this, you said we were a mistake. And you know what? I'm beginning to think you were right. Our lives ARE in 2 different paths. I don't plan to move back, and you're establishing yourself here. It would have never worked."_

_"__I'm sorry."_

_I sigh, relaxing myself from my anger. "No, Jace. I am. I'll always love you, and I know you're going to be a great lawyer one day. Just take care of yourself, okay?"_

_He looks at me wanting to say more, but all that came out of his mouth was, "you too."_

_After a brief hug, I turn and walk away to board my flight._

It was still too early for anyone else to wake up, but I couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't' relive that time of my life again. The night we argued was bad enough, but that day at the airport felt even worse. I let go of Jace; without anger, without sadness, without any fight left in me, and walked away from the only man I loved because I knew it would be best for the both of us.

Instead of laying there dwelling on all of that, I make myself get up out of bed. The rooftop terrace should be relaxing, maybe I could catch the sunrise. Grabbing a blanket, I make my way there. Unfortunately, the clouds are too thick to see anything. It had to be below 30 degrees out here now that I think about it. It's been pretty cold all week, but luckily no rain, at least not yet.

"Can't sleep?"

"Jeez Alec, you scared me!"

"Sorry. Did you at least get some rest?"

"A little. I've got a lot on my mind," I say as I move to sit next to him on a bench.

"I bet you do," he says looking out over the city, then he turns to me and stares, wanting to say something but debating.

"Spit it out Lightwood, I can't read your mind," I say jokingly.

"You know, Jace really does love you. He's been in love with you for forever."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when his parents died?" I nod thinking back to that memory. My parents were good friends with the Lightwood's and Herondale's; since before we were all born. "Well, that day at the funeral Jace was having a really hard time with it. He didn't want to talk to anyone, nonetheless be around anyone. But then you guys showed up at the church and the only person in that room with him was you, from what he'd said. He only felt comforted by your presence, and you made sure not to leave his once. You were his rock that day, the only thing in the world keeping him grounded-the foundation he needed in his life at that moment. He only admitted how he felt about you to me. I never told a soul, until now. Man, when he would see you and that douche Verlac, I swear I thought he was either going to beat the crap out of him or turn tail crying," he paused to laugh a little. "Not in a million years did he think you'd feel the same about him, but never the less, he still held his torch high for you. Did you know you were his first?" anyone else asking me that would have been awkward, even Issy, but for some reason with Alec, it felt okay to discuss.

"I did."

"I scolded him for it, and told him Jonathon was going to kill him. And all he did was tell me that Jonathon wouldn't dream of making you a widow. When I gave him a sympathetic look, he grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes, and told me _Alec, I'm going to marry that girl._"

"He-he said that?"

"Yup, and he was dead serious about it. You know, I can understand why you made the choices you mad back then. In your mind you were setting Jace fee to live out his dreams. And now, well he's living his dream, well only part of it."

"What's the other part?"

Before he could answer thunder sounded and it began to rain. By the time we make it inside, our blankets we had wrapped around us were soaked through.

"We'd better start getting ready," Alec says as he takes my blanket from me and continues down the hall.

"Alec," I say causing him to look back at me. "Thank you. For letting us stay here, and being there for us. And for-for Jace."

"Just try not to hurt him. I know with everything that's come to light these past few days, are going to impact all of us. Love you, Clary. He turned and continued down the hall before I could ask more of what he meant.

After getting ready, I help the boys with their ties then brush Belles waist long curls. After getting them into their coats we head out for the day I have been trying to ignore since we got to New York. It was time to say our final goodbyes to my big brother, and I wasn't sure I could handle it.

**Okay, sorry again for the wait. I will definitely try to update again soon! Let me know how you guys feel about this one! I wish you all a great weekend! XO **


	8. Chapter 8

**THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! FOR THE POSITIVE REVIEWS! Here's another for you guys! Please enjoy! XO**

CH 8

The church was beautifully set up with white flowers and photos all along the front. I sat off to a side room with my dad, mom, Luke and Tess. The kids were in between Tess and me, and Christopher's in my lap. We were here two hours early to have privacy and I now felt drained and empty of tears. It didn't feel real, at least not until now. Issy and Simon were the first to arrive, with her parent's right behind them. Magnus and Alec arrived soon after, with a still bandaged William in between them. Once everyone began to arrive, Alec, Magnus, Simon, Luke and Robert Lightwood moved to sit in the front pew; where the pall bearers were supposed to sit. My dad sat next to my mom, holding her hand for support. Issy moved to sit next to her mother while I held the kids all as close to me as possible. My heart caught in my throat as I see Jace walk to the first pew to sit beside Alec. He didn't look my way at all, even when the sermon started.

I can barely register anything the priest said, as I sit here and stare at the open casket. My mind was racing through thoughts of my brother; memories that once brought happiness only caused me heartache now. My thoughts are interrupted as the priest announces for anyone who would like to say a few words, to go up now. William was the first to stand and make his way to the podium. My heart broke all over again for him because Jonathon wasn't only my brother, but his too. They were inseparable their whole lives. We all wait for him to compose himself before he begins to speak, and it didn't look easy for him. I almost got up and went to him, but then he clears his throat and begins to speak into the microphone.

"Jon was my best friend and brother who was taken from this world too soon. I'll never forget everything we went through growing up. Our whole lives were lived being inseparable. I don't know how I can ever repay the man who save my life a mere few days ago. I wrote a poem of our last moments together and I hope that it isn't too hard for some of you to listen to. But it's something that I need to say aloud.

As we approached our aim;

We can hear the groans of those injured; plenty dead and maimed.

The explosion flashed through shouts of pain

As smoke lifted from the bloody terrain.

We gathered what we could,

We weren't prepared for a fight.

Our deploying ship was bombed,

As it came into sight.

We made our way back into battle

Through bullets and fire;

Ducking, dodging, hiding,

Yet holding our heads higher.

I turned to my brother to signal it was safe,

But he was shoving me aside, standing in my place.

Shots rang out and he went still-eyes glazing and cold.

That was the death of my brother, at 25 years old.

I try to walk proudly now, and salute as I go.

I will cherish all of our memories, some new, some old.

I tell myself to be grateful to stand here and tell,

To talk of my brother, and those who have fallen as well."

I watched William begin to fall apart as he finished his poem. This time I knew he needed someone, but as I move to get up and go to him I feel Tess's hand on my shoulder as she begins to stand. She makes her way over to him and he turns to her sobbing into her shoulder. She walks him back to his seat, and then returns to sit next to us. Before I had a second thought I got up and made my way up to the podium holding my paper in my hand. I look out to the crown and notice that the church was more than full. Soldiers lined the walls, friends and family from our past filled the pews, even the seating from the top balcony, where the choir sings from on Sundays, was full and people were standing off to the sides. I wasn't expecting this turn out, not at all; nevertheless, I take a deep breath and begin.

"Thank you all, for showing up today. As most of you know, I'm Jonathon's sister Clary. My brother and I were very close and when he called to tell me he was coming home, I was so relieved, as I was every time; that I was going to be able to hug him again. Unfortunately, I didn't know that we'd already shared our last hug on his last visit. I wrote a letter meant for him, to help me mourn, and I wasn't sure about sharing it with everyone. But like Will said, it needs to be said aloud," my hands were trembling as I unfolded the paper and I took a few deep breaths before I began.

"My dearest brother, when you called me that last night to let me know that you were coming home from overseas, I felt my excitement skyrocket. In spite of the relief I felt, something deep down made me want to cry, and at that time I was sure it was from the happiness that you would be home, safe and sound soon. As a child you always managed to love and nurture me, as a big brother should. You were so witty and good natured; so kind, compassionate and loving. In my mind you will always remain that sweet little boy, even if the world saw you as a grown man. I can recall all the special time I had with you, when we'd always play, when you would tickle my sides and cause me to howl in laughter; and I would beg you to do it again because I loved it. I'll always remember those moment and more. We had rocky times, sometimes sad, but most of all were memorable and enjoyable. I wasn't the easiest little sister and I know at times I was a pain with all my questions, anxieties and mixed up emotions. We made through hurdles, you and me. You made me laugh, on the rare occasion, cry, but our journey together was priceless. You became a strong valiant young man, who willingly put your life on the line. Many will thank you for your service. And, my brave brother, I am so…..proud of you," my last 3 words came out in a whisper as I began to choke up. Suddenly a small hand comes up to grab mine and I look down a CJ; with his touch, I had the will I needed to finish. As I hold his hand in mine I continue. "You were the best of the best, Jonathon. You grew up and left the comfort of our home to become a man. I'm grateful for the extra time we were given, but I know that I have to let you go. You've grown the wings of an angel, and now it's time for you to fly high and soar. Just remember that you are always a part of me. And even though I'll no longer be able to hold your hand, I will always hold you in my heart. I love you, my hero-my precious brother, and I promise to care for your son," I lift CJ in my arms, "as if he were my own."

As I look out at the crowd of people there isn't a single dry eye in the room. I say my goodbye and my thanks to everyone, then make my way back to my seat. I was halfway there when Belle and Jax envelope me in a hug. As I return their affection, I can feel his gaze, so I turn to where Jace is and our eyes lock. His gaze held a questioning look as he's taking us in; emotions flicker over his face-shock, hurt, confusion, anger and then sadness. And too soon he turns away staring at nothing in particular. Without looking back again, we went to our seats.

The service continued, as one by one, our friends went up and shared kind words and memories of Jon. It was over too soon and I still wasn't ready to let go. We stood as everyone began to make their way up to view my brother's body and share their condolences with us. They were all sorry for our loss, and I was too. Tess had gotten up to stand near our exit, while holding a sleeping CJ, and the kids were both with her. Jace soon made his way towards me and wrapped me in his arms, not saying a word. I felt so comforted in his hold, and realize, again, how much I've missed it; he even smells the same.

"Excuse me," Belle say as she tugs the bottom of my cardigan; we pull apart to look down to her.

"Yes?" Jace says to her, as he knelt down to be at eye level with her.

"Is this you?" she asks as she opens her locket. I knew this moment was going to happen today, but right now? No, I wasn't expecting it now.

"I believe it is. My name's Jace, and who might you be?" he asks her, as he put his hand out to shake her's, but she surprises him by throwing her arms about his neck. As he hugged her back, she asks him a question so quietly that I almost didn't hear.

"My name's Belle. Would you like to meet my brother?" Before he could respond, she ran over to Jax and pulled him back to Jace. Jax stared at him, not believing his eyes. He looked at me for confirmation and I nodded to him. He flew himself into Jace's arms and began to cry. I couldn't move, I didn't know how to react. I could feel everyone watching us, but I didn't care.

"Belle, Jax, it's time to go," Tessa said softly. Jax let go of his dad, and he and his sister followed Tess out of the exit, while looking back at their dad.

I turn back to Jace, not knowing what his reaction will be. He's staring after Jax and Belle with tears running down his face, one hand in his pocket and one covering his mouth. I glance around us and notice everyone isn't looking at us anymore, but at him, also waiting for a reaction.

"Jace," I whispered.

After running both hands through his hair, he walks away, not looking back at me again. The guests outside of our circle of friends, were oblivious to what had just happened and continued to make their rounds of goodbyes to us. All the meanwhile Jace sat back at his original seat.

"Clary, it'll be okay," Issy said hugging me. I try my hardest to stop my body from trembling, but it's pointless. My dad held me as the crowd finished their goodbyes. When everyone made their way back to their pews, they stayed standing as the priest gave a final prayer and closed the coffin.

Luke and Robert stood on each side holding the front handles, Simon and Magnus had the middle handles, and Jace and Alec were in the back. They lifted the coffin and began to make their way outside to the awaiting hearse. My mother and I walked on each side of my father, behind them. Issy, William and Maryse were right behind us.

The exit seemed to get further and further away, the closer we got. With each step, my trembling grew. The bitter cold air didn't help, but it brought me out of the daze I was falling into, along with the memorial rifle shots ringing, piercing through the air. As we watched my brother's coffin enter the back of the hearse, a gentleman in uniform hands my mom a folded flag. She broke down all over again while Luke and my dad held onto her.

While we were in junior high and high school, my parents didn't speak to each other at all, not to mention, Luke and my dad's relationship was just as bitter. They learned to tolerate each other when we found out I was pregnant, and when the twins were born, too soon, they found common ground with each other. Now, with the death of my brother, they've become the friends they used to be and care for each other again; talk about bittersweet.

After the guys cleared out of the way, I moved toward the back of the Hearst. I placed my hand on the slick wood, and leaned my cheek on top of it.

"I'm so sorry Jon. I love you so much," I whispered as I began to sob. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Oh god, why; why did you have to go? Why you?" my cries grew louder and the pain in my chest increased. Suddenly two hands gripped my shoulders and gently tugged me away. I started to protest, but their arms wrapped firmly around me holding my arms against my chest. "No, please. Please, don't go Jon! Please don't let them take him! Please!"

"Shh, Clary. Shh," Jace said soothingly. "It'll be alright. I promise. I'm here, we're all here for you."

I turn around and look up at him and begin to bawl again.

"I'm so sorry, Jace, I'm so sorry," I whisper through my tears.

"I know," he replies softly. "Come on, let's get out of here okay?"

With his arms still around me, he walks me to the limo behind the hearse. To my surprise he got into the limo with me, still holding me in his arms. We were seated along the side length of the limo's seating, with the kids and Tess, while my dad, mom and Luke sat along the back seat. It took all my will power, but I finally put my emotions under control in front of the kids. I'm still leaned up against Jace when Bell came to sit on both of our laps, in the center of us. Jax found his way to the other half of his dad's lap, while CJ sat on mines. I didn't dare sneak a glance at Jace; I was too afraid of his reaction toward me. I did however, glance at Tess who was watching us smiling.

Eventually the limo came to a stop at what I can only guess was the Lightwood Estate. We all begin to file out, dad, mom and Luke first; Jace, the kids, me then Tess.

"Clary, I'm going to take the kids inside," Tess tells me softly. "You should… Catch up," she says as she looks towards Jace. As I watch them walk toward the grand estate, Jax and Bell turn around to face us.

"Daddy?" Belle says questioningly, and Jace looks at her with tears in his eyes.

"Are you coming dad?" Jax asks. "Mom?"

"We'll catch up in a little bit guys," Jace says to them. "Mom and Dad just need to talk for a minute."

"Okay," they say in unison.

After they're out of sight, Jace grabs me by my hand and leads me down a path far off to the side of the estate.

**I had to stop here...Sorry...the funeral scene was hard for me to write. I hope u all enjoyed this chapter!**

**Let me know your thoughts**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate the time and consideration you put into them! You are all so totally awesome! FYI, I only came up with the plot, all rights and characters belong to Cassandra Clare!**

CH 9

We ended up in one of the many gardens, surrounded by miniature pine trees. Along the path were a few benches, and flower beds that were plowed down for the winter months. We walked hand in hand, in silence the entire time, with only the sounds of rustlings leaves and branches around us. I finally decide to attempt to break the silence because it's killing me.

"Jace, I don't-" I started, but stopped; not knowing what to say.

"Why, Clary? Why did you do this?" he asks as he turns to face me still holding onto my hand.

"I just-I didn't-I couldn't-I-"

"You what, Clary? You didn't think I'd be a good dad? You really hated me so much that you kept my own kids a secret from me? What did I do to you that was so horrible that-"

"I WAS SCARED JACE!" I scream at him, not being able to take his scrutiny any longer. "You had said we were a mistake and when I brought that up again the following day at the airport, you didn't deny it or take it back! We both knew what we wanted, and it wasn't the same thing. I couldn't come barging back into your life and possibly ruin whatever chance you had at a future! But I made a mistake in doing that, and I am so sorry!" he stares at me stunned by my outburst.

"Clary, I just; I don't know. I didn't want you to go; I knew I should have tried harder to stop you, or at least tried harder at making our relationship work."

"Jace, that day I left everything behind me," he had to know that it wasn't just him, but I played a part in it too. "Every day, I was searching for strength inside me, that I wasn't even sure I had, to move on from you. _I_ left _you_ behind, not wanting to look back because I was too scared to; even if, deep down, I had always hoped you'd try to find me."

"Clary-"

"But we were both so young; we had so much going on in our lives."

"We were wrong to have ended things that way, we could have tried; hell, I should have tried."

"All I can tell you now is that I'm not afraid anymore. I know I'm not innocent in where we stand now, and all the blame for our situation is on me. I'm ready to face my demon's, to try and work through all of this, but I don't know if I can do that if you aren't with me on it. I can understand if you need to think about it, or if it's not somethi-"

I was cut off as his lips met mine. His soft and tender lips pressed against mine as passionately as they did so many years ago. I missed his kiss, his embrace, his presence; I missed all of him.

"Clary, can we please make this right? I'm here, I'm with you. Whatever it is that we need to do to make us a family, I am willing to do. I love you so much," he says softly as our foreheads are pressed together.

"So you forgive me? For everything?" he closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling slowly, and nods. "Are you sure?"

"If I have to move my law firm across the country, I will. I will move mountains to be with you and those beautiful angels we created. My love for you never faltered, not once. Seeing you again for the first time, at your mom's made me realize that I was missing the most important thing in my life. I was missing the _love_ of my life. No matter how successful I have become, you are what I've needed this whole time. I tried to ignore it; any time I thought of you, I engulfed myself in work. Then there you were again; after more than 5 years, my love for you wasn't the same, it grew to be so much more."

I completely melted into his embrace at the words he spoke to me. He still loves me; I know everyone told me, but to hear it from him was another story. Feeling his arms around me again, feeling the connection we had so many years ago that hasn't withered for either of us. I couldn't believe everything he just said to me. Was this really happening? Would he really move across the country for us? Could I let him? Oh gosh, can I really let him uproot his entire life for us? I knew there was only one thing to do, and I had been thinking about it since the first time I seen Jace again.

"Earth to Clarissa, anybody there?" he pulls away to look at me.

"I can't let you do that, it's not fair to-"

"Please don't give me that. Don't give me the '_turning my world upside down'_ speech that I'm pretty sure you were practicing in your head just then."

"Actually, I was going to-"

"Because Clary, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me now. I've made the mistake of letting you go the first time, and I'm not doing that ever again."

"That's just it tho-"

"I know we have a lot to discuss, and the ki-" I cut him off as I press my lips to his.

"Jace," I whispered.

"Hmmm?"

"Shut up for a sec, will ya?"

"If you promise to kiss me like that again," he suggests.

"What I was trying to say, is that after everything I've done, all of my selfishness, my mistakes, my bad decisions-I really can't let you upturn you life for me. Ah-ah-ah, I'm not finished," I say cutting of his protest. "Now, of course, I would need to discuss this with the kids and Tess first, but I'm considering moving back here."

He stares at me for feels like an eternity before finally breaking the silence.

"Really?

"Yes. With what's happened with Jon, my parent's and I need each other now more than ever. I couldn't dream of taking CJ away from them when they've only just met. And Belle and Jax-"

"Belle, as in Isabelle, right?" he looks at me curiously and I nod. "How'd you come up with Jax?"

"It's Jackson, but we call him Jax, and it was the closest I could find to Jace that I liked," I say smiling up at him. "Anyway, now that they know who you are, they are going to was to be as close as possible to you. And as for CJ, well this was his home for his entire little life, and I can't just-," I suddenly stop, how could I forget. Will Jace be willing to do this after all? "Jace, I have to ask….." I hesitate biting my lip.

"What is it?"

"I'm in the process of adopting CJ, so-"

"Like I said, I will move mountains to be a family with you, and I would be more than honored to raise my best friend's son as if he were mine as well." This man, this amazing man, how on earth did I get so lucky.

"Well, then. I just need to discuss the move with the Tess and we'll go from there."

"And Tess is….?"

"Well we started out friends, and in the beginning of my pregnancy she began to take child care and development courses, unbeknownst to me. After the twins were born, she suggested I get a live in nanny and recommended herself. She's been by our side ever since and always will be; at least until she gets married or something."

"Huh, okay," he says pondering the information about my friend. "Does any of this feel real to you?"

"Meaning?"

"Us, you and me. After all this time, I was sure you'd never feel the same about me again, but I can see in your eyes that you do." I blush and look away from him. "And now we have a family. Gosh, I still can't believe that happened; we were safe-"

"Not the first time."

"They don't kid around when they say it only takes one time, do they?" we both laugh, my head's on his chest, while his arms are still wrapped around me and I can't help but think that I don't want this to ever change. "So, when are their birthdays?"

"January 1st. They were born at exactly midnight." He was silent for a few seconds before responding.

"Wait, Jan-"

"They were premature, I was only 28 weeks give or take, a couple days."

"My gosh, Clary. If only I'd have known-"

"I know, I know Jace; you'd have been there. And I'm sorry for that. My mom almost called you, but my dad, Luke and Jon stopped her."

"I could see that happening," he chuckles softly. "What about CJ? How old is he?"

"He'll be 4 on the 18th of December. I have to be honest, I'm a little scared. I don't know if he's going to like me, or if he'll hate me; the poor boy lost his mom and dad within 24 hours of each other."

"Look at me Clary," Jace says softly. "No one could ever hate you, and I'm going to be there with you to help you the entire time okay?"

"Thank you Jace."

"Always."

We stood there for a few more minutes, before making our way over to a bench. We sat close, his arms still wrapped around me, and my head on his shoulder. We talked a little longer, mostly about how the partnership with Alec has been going and how they're planning to possibly expand. I told him about the beach house, and how I fall asleep on the deck at least 2-3 times a week. I explained how beautiful it was, and it's peacefulness somehow consoled me when I thought of him.

"Promise I'll get to see it someday?" he asks.

"Only if you want to."

"So, how long were you planning to stay here for? Well, I mean unless you actually do end up moving back."

"Well, no matter what, I'm required by the state to stay for 60 days, so they can monitor CJ's welfare. Oh damn, that means I have to get them registered in school." Crap, I hadn't thought of that yet.

"We'll work it out, don't worry. I have to ask though, where are you going to live?"

"Right now we're staying with Alec and Magnus, but if all goes according to planned, I will need to find a good realtor, and soon."

"I'm not sure if this is too sudden, and I don't know where we stand right now, but I was hoping you wouldn't mind living with me." Shocked by his question, I pause for couple minutes before responding to him.

"Where _do_ we stand Jace? What exactly do _you_ want out of this?"

"Honestly?" I sit up straight and turn to face him, nodding. "I want to be a family, I don't want to just visit my kids here and there, I don't want to sleep alone anymore, I don't want to live the lonely life I've been living; I want you, I want them, and I want us all together. What do you say?" I try my damndest to bite my the tears that are threatening to release themselves.

"I want that too," I say quietly.

He cups my cheek and leans his forehead to mine.

"I feel like I'm going to wake up from this dream any minute now, and you're going to disappear. The same way you do every night," he whispers.

"You dream about me?" I cover his hand with my own as he nods.

"They seem so real, so vivid," he explains looking into my eyes.

"Mine's too," I admit. I can see the shock in his eyes before I finally kiss him, not able to take the tension any longer. It wasn't a passionate kiss like the one we shared when we first arrived here, but this was slow and tender.

"We should get inside. Your lips are beginning to turn blue." I smile at him and agree.

With his arm across my shoulders, and mine around his waist we make our way back towards the house. I couldn't believe it, I have Jace back, my kids have their dad in their lives now, they're going to be closer to their grandparents, they even have a new little brother; for such a heartbreakingly, sad day, it has also become one of the happiest too.

**Okay, I was going to leave a cliffhanger and end it sooner, but i had to give you guys a fullfilling chapter! You all deserve it! I hope you enjoyed reading! You are all amazing! Goodnight! XO**


	10. Author's Note

Hey guys, this is just an authors note! I promise I haven't forgotten my stories! I've just been busy planning my baby's 3rd birthday! DIY decorations occupy a ton of time! Lol. I promise to try n have up new chapters by Sunday! Soo sorry! XO

PS If anyone would like POVs from a certain character PM me with ideas!


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey guys so sorry for the wait. Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes for my little one...Her party was a success! Lots of fun! Well here goes another chapter! I hope you all enjoy it!**

Ch 10

Maryse and Robert had their home beautifully decorated with flowers and poster collages of pictures of Jonathon. They started in the foyer, and made their way down the hall to the living room, dining room and kitchen.

They start from when Jon was just a baby up to more recent photos. There were so many of him and me in each stand. I laughed a little recalling the memories the pictures brought up. Issy, Alec, Magnus, Will and Jace were in most of them with us. I could recall every moment as if it were yesterday as I take in each picture. As our ages gradually increase throughout each collage, I started to notice the changes in Jace's expressions. His smile not as cheeky, his eyes far and distant, but to anyone else, they would have guessed it was because of the loss of his parents. I know that was part of it, but now knowing what I know; it had to do with me too. In most of the photos, he even wasn't looking into the camera, but at me. I was completely oblivious back then; I had no idea how he'd felt about me. I knew how I'd felt for him, but I never acted on it because I didn't think the feelings I had were going to be reciprocated. Then of course, my high school not-so-sweet sweetheart came along and distracted me from ever acting on how I felt.

"Feels like just yesterday doesn't it?" Jace asked me quietly. "Do you remember this one?" He pointed at a picture of him, Jon, will, and Alec with me and Issy, we were seated on the tailgate of Will's truck leaning our faces (that were soaked from the rain) together for one last selfie before we had to leave. My arms were around Jace's neck, forcing our faces to be pressed closer together. Now that I think about it, I remember that I had to do that because he didn't want to take the picture with us. I nearly begged, and when he finally agreed, but wouldn't get close enough to our group, so I wrapped my arms around him and made him come closer, so close that kissing him crossed my mind.

"I wanted to kiss you so badly that day," he stated.

"I did too," I smile up at him. "I can't believe it started raining on us like that. It was supposed to be-"

"Sunny skies?" he chuckles. "I remember."

"Aw, remember this?" I ask, pointing at one of the guys all I tuxedos, and Issy and me were in our flannel Pj's.

"Yeah, Jon was crowned prom king that year."

"We wanted to go so bad." Of course we were sophomores, and couldn't go to prom until our junior and senior years, unless our date was a junior or senior already.

"I wanted to take you, but Jon would have killed me."

"I can't believe how long ago that was, just look at how young we were."

"Were? You still look like that," Jace replies laughing.

We continued making our way down the hall, laughing and coming to the brink of tears at the memories. As we came to the pictures in the living room, I was shocked to see half of the collages filled with pictures of Jon with Jax and Belle. My mom must have made these ones. Jace took a special interest in them because he wasn't there for those moments of their lives.

"My God, they were so little," he looks like he may start crying, and my heart starts to break for him. He should have been there, and I feel so selfish now thinking back to that time. I know I thought I was being selfless by letting him live his life without the obligations of worrying about a family, but in reality I knew it was wrong.

"I know." What the heck was I suppose to say?

"Mommy!" Speak of the angel; Belle and Jax ran into my arms as soon as I turn to face them. CJ stood a few feet behind the unsure of what to do.

"Come here little guy!" He smiles back at me and squeezed between Belle and Jax. "Hey CJ, I have someone else for you to meet," I say to him as I turn to look at Jace.

"You have a lot of friend's momma," CJ says abruptly and the whole room breaks into laughter. He's been pretty quiet the past 2 days, so when he says things so bluntly and suddenly, he catches us off guard. It just hit me that he called me MOMMA also…..I bite my bottom lip holding back the tears that are threatening to spill.

"She sure does," Jace speaks up after coming to the same realization I did. "My name's Jace. I've met Jackson and Isabelle, so you must be Christopher?"

CJ and the twins don't reply or even bother correcting him for using their full names. They just turn to look at each other and then to me before they run to Jace, except CJ stays by me. He bends down to lift them both up and hugs them back. Hearing a sniffle, I turn towards the back of the room and see Issy watching them, crying. As a matter of fact, so is everyone else. Will, Maryse and Robert were the only ones who hadn't known yet, so they seem a little shocked at the sudden revelation.

"Daddy?" Belle says, and with that one word, everyone's sniffles grow even more, and Maryse even gasps loudly turning to Robert, who is now looking at me with a concerned and questioning gaze. It's gone as he turns back to Jace, beaming proudly at him and the twins, as is everyone else. In 30 seconds I have had the chance to see a room full of crying people still look happier than a kid at Christmas. Issy and Simon were holding each other smiling from ear to ear. Alec and Magnus look like they were just given the moon. Tessa was explaining things quietly to Will, who looked back at her with admiration. My dad even got up from where he was sitting to approach Maryse and Robert and began explaining what was going on. My mom and Luke were watching me smiling proudly. And for the second time in my life, I felt like I did something extraordinary; even if I waited over 5 years to do it.

"Yes?" Jace asks Belle as he looks into her eyes, the eyes she inherited from him.

"Are you going to leave again?"

"No. I am never going to leave you guys again."

"Yes!" They shout together and Jax jumps out of his arms.

"Grandpa, look! This is my Dad!" Jax says to my dad. "Look, look, grandma and papa Luke!" He's running around the room to each of them to make sure they're looking at Jace. "Aunt Tess, I have a dad now!" My son is radiating with nothing but joy, and maybe a lot of adrenaline. I notice Belle get down from her dad's hold and moves to stand in the middle of the room.

"He's mine too!" She says putting her hands on her hips.

"I know Belle!" he stops to look at her before beginning his rampage again. "This is so totally awesome!" Belle soon joins his excitement and they begin their victory dance, which consists of fist pumping and a lot of jumping. This causes everyone in the room to laugh once again.

I am still knelt next to CJ, when he taps my shoulder. "So, what do I call him?" The room stopped the chattering and laughter and all eyes were on us again.

"Well, you can-"

"What do you want to call me?" Jace said coming to kneel next to us.

"Can I call you dad too?" he asks with his head down. Jace picks him up and hugs him tightly.

"You can DEFINITELY call me dad," he says to him, kissing the top of his head.

"Thanks…dad!" he gives one last squeeze and hops down to join Belle and Jax in the middle of the room. "Belle, Jax, he gets to be my dad too!"

"Yay!" they all begin their victory dance once more earning smiles from all around the room.

"You guys want to know something else?" they all turn to Jace and nod. He walks over to Robert and Maryse and puts an arm around them both. "This is your Grandma Maryse, and your grandpa Robert." They all look between each other, smiling from ear to ear before running and hugging their new grandparents. "And that over there is my brother, and your uncle William." He points to Will, who is sitting much closer to Tess than he was a second ago. "And you've met Issy and Alec, who are also my brother and sister, which make them your aunt and uncle too. And that also makes Simon and Magnus your uncles.

"Wow!" the three say together before going to everyone and hugging them all. They are extremely happy to see that their family has grown so quickly.

"So, how do you feel now Clare bear?" my dad asks as he comes to hug me.

"I feel great dad. Surprisingly enough. I just wish Jon were here, he'd be so happy to see this." I began to sob into my dad's shoulder as he hugs me a little tighter.

"I know baby, I do too. We all do," he whispers to me. "So what happens now?"

"Well the state is requiring me to stay for the next 60 days and luckily my job is flexible and allowing me a leave of absence, with pay."

"That's good to hear sweetheart. You know my door is always open to you guys."

"Thank you daddy."

"You can always stay with us too," my mom chimed in.

"I know mom, thank you." I wasn't sure how to tell them about living with Jace yet. Plus I still haven't discussed anything with Tessa.

The rest of this sad, yet happy day went by quickly. The guests left one by one, until it was just Tess, my parents, the Lightwoods, Will, Jace, Simon, Magnus and me left. As I'm drying the last of the dishes Jax comes barreling into the kitchen out of breath.

"Mom, can we stay at grandmas? Her and Papa Luke said yes!"

"I don't see why not. Why don't you ask your dad?" I say as soon as Jace steps into the kitchen with CJ in his arms.

"Ask me what?"

"If we can stay the night at grandma and papa Luke's; can we dad? PLEASE?"

"Hmm. I guess, since you said please. But wait, whose all going? Just you?"

"No, she said all of us! Belle, CJ and me! I've never stayed at grandmas! This is going to be so awesome!"

"What do you say CJ? You okay with staying with your grandma?" Jace looks at CJ who nods excitedly.

"Yes! Thanks dad! Come on CJ, let's go tell grandma!" he shouts as he heads back down the hall he came from. "Belle! Mom and dad said yes!" he shouts from the hall to his sister.

"We can all hear you!" she screams back from another room in the house.

"My gosh, that reminds me of when we were kids!" Jace exclaims.

"We're going to have our hands full with those three, aren't we?" Tess says jokingly, as she enters the kitchen and sits on a bar stool. Issy is right behind her doing the same thing, as Jace moves to stand next to me facing the two women in front of us.

"Oh stop, you two have done an amazing job. Those children are astounding," Issy says. "I can't wait to spend more time with them for the next 2 months. And you can expect me to be visiting California when you go back." Jace grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze before I ask Tess what I have wanted to ask her all day.

"Actually, I was hoping we could stay here for good, Tessa?" I look at her, and she returns a shocked, yet excited expression.

"Really?!" She and Issy say a second apart, showing the same level of excitement.

"Only if you're okay with it; we are a family, and something like this needs to be discussed with each other."

"It's more than okay! This is wonderful! Oh, we have so much to do. I need to call a packing company, I need to call movers, and I need to find us a realtor; or will you be keeping the house? You know what I'll call anyway-"

"Tess, relax…We have plenty of time. And to answer your last question, yes, we will be keeping the house," I say to her as I walk around the island to hug her. Issy soon joins our embrace and the next thing I know, we're jumping up and down like excited high school girls, we're even squealing.

"What's all the commotion?" my dad asks coming into the kitchen. My mom, Luke, Maryse and Robert follow in soon after.

"Everything okay?" Magnus and Alec ask at the same time, entering from the opposite end of the kitchen.

We all turn to each other and giggle again. "Yes, we're fine. We just-wait. Clary, you should tell them." All eyes are on me, but I only stay focus on one pair. "Well-"

"You're not pregnant right?" Alec blurts.

"What? No!" I reply shocked, but of course that doesn't stop me from blushing deeply. "Well, after some discussion, and some contemplating, I, we," I say hugging Tess by her shoulders. "We are moving back to New York!" Everyone gasps, but began chattering away excitedly. My mom, dad and Luke are grinning from ear to ear, saying how excited they are over and over.

After all the commotion and excitement is over, and the kids left with their grandparents, Magnus said we should move our party to his place to celebrate my homecoming, and to let Maryse and Robert have their home to themselves finally. It was kind of like old times with all of my friends, sitting around and reminiscing our childhood, except this time there was some alcohol involved.

"So, Clary, when are you planning to move into Jace's," Issy asks.

"Well-"

"As soon as I can get her to," Jace says putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Will Tessa be staying there too?"

"Yes, of course," I answer her sounding suspicious. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, her and Will seem to have hit it off pretty well. You see?" she's gesturing to Tess, who is, wait, is she, oh my stars, she is! She is snuggled up against Will! I have never seen her remotely affectionate, not even to her ex who she dated for like 4 months (he was too immature for her).

"That's interesting, but I don't get what that has to do with-" oh gosh, I think it's settling in.

"Yeah," Issy says knowingly.

"Jace, I didn't know Will was living with you."

"Only until his place is ready. He purchased a brownstone a few doors down from mine. He figured since he was being honorably discharged from the Air Force, that he needed to start living like a normal adult, and not with his little brother."

"Jace, is there enough room for the kids and us?" I have been to the brownstone, but didn't stay to explore it or anything.

"You don't remember?"

"I only went into one room, plus I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings except for the pictures," I admitted. He looked a little nervous to answer, and I was starting to wonder if it was more of a man cave, than a place suitable for kids.

"What are we talking about here?" Magnus chimes in as he makes his way over to us from the wet bar.

"I was asking Jace whether or not there was enough room in his place for us all, but I'm starting to think there may not be," I say as I turn from Magnus to look back at Jace.

"Oh sweetie, of course there is. In fact there's enough room for each child to have two bedrooms!" Magnus replies as he begins to laugh. "You'll literally be living a few streets over from us."

"Wait, so it's as big as this?"

"Nope, I believe it's bigger." I turn back to Jace shocked, and he returns a sheepish grin.

"Well alright then, what do you guys say to a refill?" I didn't know what else to say, hell, I was embarrassed to say anything at all. Here they all were, all of my old friends living in homes that are worth millions of dollars, and I can't help but miss my peaceful little home on the beach compared to living in a huge extravagant one. All I know, is I'm definitely going to appreciate vacationing there as often as possible.

A few drinks later, and about 4 hours of laughing and crying, then of course more laughing, we were all wore out. Alec showed William to his room about an hour ago and we haven't seen him since. I tried asking Tess what was up, but she said that all she was doing was comforting him. I could believe that, but I see the way she looks at him, the way she smiles at him. She will be falling in love before we know it. Issy and Simon retreated to their room about 30 minutes ago, which left Tess, Alec, Magnus, Jace and me still awake.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to call it a night," Tess says yawning.

"Will's room is the second door on the left sweetheart!" we all broke into laughter.

"Ha Ha Magnus! Goodnight everyone," she shouts from down the hall.

"Well good night you two. Magnus and I are up way past our bedtime," Alec says, but Magnus didn't seem to get it. "We have that thing, remember?" Magnus finally understood and stood up suddenly.

"Oh right! I can't believe I forgot! Good night my dears." He blows us kisses as they leave the room.

"I think I should be heading home too," Jace says standing.

"Why don't you stay?" I don't want him to leave, not yet.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with that," he replied looking down at his shoes. I couldn't take the tension anymore. I needed to hold him, to be held by him, I wanted to start waking up next to him for the rest of my life starting as soon as possible. With the courage of vodka running through me, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. With his arms around my waist, I lead him to my room not once letting go of his lips against mine. We make it onto the bed smoothly, still holding each other. After an intense make out session, and removal of mostly all of our clothing, we lay under the sheets snuggled against one another. I wasn't sure if I was ready to have sex with him yet, I mean, yes we have done it before, but it's been a few years, apparently for both of us! He luckily didn't make any assumptions to the notion either, which made it easier for me, since I didn't have to decide. We talked a little more, mostly about the upcoming holidays, and when we would begin to actually move in. He mentioned a few private schools nearby that would be good for the kids, and said that we can look into registering them after thanksgiving, which was a week away. Eventually we both doze off, and instead of me having a bad dream of a past memory, my dream was of nothing but peace and quiet, and I couldn't be happier.

**Okay, again sorry it took so long! But here you go! I will try my best to get another one up this week. And also for my other story, I plan to get the next one of that one up by tomorrow! Thanks for reading! Please lemme know whatcha think! XO**


End file.
